90 on 95

Sports, rumors, and humor from the Ben Franklin to the George Washington

Roy Halladay Wants You To Turn On The AC

"It's just, it's hot out and there are gnats around the mound and I didn't even want to pitch tonight. " "It's OK Roy, you want me to get you a juice box" "::sniffle:: Can I have two juice boxes?" "Sure thing Roy. Sure thing, little buddy."

BREAKING NEWS OUT OF PHILADELHPIA: Roy Halladay has a mangina. Quickly Robin, to the block quote!

Roy Halladay made his first start since the all-star break Monday night, but he was Roy Halladay in name only.

The Phillies ace, a physical specimen who usually needs to be ripped from the mound with a tow hook (ED. NOTE: Jesus, he plays baseball for a living, calm down), left Monday night’s game with head athletic trainer Scott Sheridan at his side without recording an out in the fifth inning. (via)

I’m not going to sit here, and tell you it’s not hot, because baby I already promised you, it’s the truth from now on. Hell, I was at the Mets/Fish game last night and it got to be so hot at one point I had to hold a cold beer in each hand just to keep myself cool. But don’t take my word for it. Per CNN

 High temperature records were tied or broken Monday across the Midwest from Iowa to Indiana. Ankeny, Iowa, recorded a record high temperature of 102 degrees. Bluffton, Indiana, broke a 25-year-old record with a high temperature of 95 degrees, according to the National Weather Service.

The “dangerous” heat wave baking the central United States is expected to extend its reach eastward in the coming week, and ultimately cover most of the eastern part of the country, the National Weather Service said Monday.

That’s right, like a reverse manifest destiny, the heat will be attacking the East Coast by this weekend. Now, there’s a fantastic Lebron James joke in there somewhere, but fuck the NBA, am I right? ::Spins basketball on one finger, with other hand impregnates 6 different women over the course of 10 years:: As pitching coach Rich Dubee insists, this is not a big deal and Roy will be making his next scheduled start. However, most of the 10 year olds I’ve been talking to around the playground think it is a big deal, and that Roy Halladay is, and I quote, “A pussy.”

Relevant picture, after the jump.

The only thing that would be better is if Blanton and Oswalt had big red X’s on their faces. Happy Tuesday Phillie Phans!

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