90 on 95

Sports, rumors, and humor from the Ben Franklin to the George Washington

BREAKING: Umpires Are Human


Hellen Keller is rolling over in her grave

There’s a few things I love about baseball. Number one though is that for a sport that doesn’t have a set timer, it is the most precise game of the big 4 (NHL, NFL, MLB and NASCAR, right?). Other sports contain moments of controlled chaos, such as breakaways or a big 3rd down interception. Baseball just chugs away like a train in 1940 Italy, always where it should be. The right fielder is always in his spot, the 5 hitter always follows number 4 and Chipper Jones always looks like the worlds worst dad. Of course their can’t be beauty without some ugly.

Lugo took on Scott Proctor‘s grounder to third baseman Pedro Alvarez, whose throw to catcher Michael McKenry easily beat Lugo to the plate. Lugo tried to avoid McKenry’s tag with a pop-up slide. Replays indicated McKenry made the tag, but home plate umpire Jerry Meals called Lugo safe. (via)

Now, if you watch the video, or if you just look at the picture above, you can clearly tell that not only was Lugo tagged out, but it’s quite obvious that Jerry Meals isn’t so sure what home plate looks like. But then again, this is baseball, and this is the kind of shit that happens in baseball. This is the controlled chaos of the game. For all the accuracy, and all the stats and book keeping and VORPs (Value Over Replacement Player)  and OBPs (On Base Percentage) and HDLFTs (Hot Dogs Lost From Tripping), it only makes sense that something in the game is not only imperfect, but completely unreliable. Humans fuck shit up all the time, just ask the Germans. (That’s two WWII references, matching a personal best.) It’s our right to error that makes us the beautiful creatures we are. That, and the sound we make when we can’t get a popcorn kernel off the back of our mouth. So it’s only obvious that we will accept this for what it is, and move on right?

Right?

Nope.

Hyperbole, after the jump.

David Shoenfield from ESPN is convinced this is the worst call ever. Dave obviously wasn’t in my garage when I called Ali Keltos* in 7th grade and asked her to be my girlfriend. But whatever, because Dave works for ESPN and is in the business of sports. It’s when the stuffy intellectuals pop their head in and start telling sports fans how to live their lives. Oh, hey there Wall Street Journal, I didn’t hear you come in and start sniffing your own farts.

The question – which the existence of instant-replay technology renders rhetorical – is what to do about this sort of missed call. (via)

Well get ready to start hearing everyone’s opinion on instant replay in the next few days. Mine? Shut the fuck up and play the game. You know that guy at the ball park, who bitches every thrown pitch and argues with the umpire even though he is sitting in the nosebleeds? That is what you all sound like. Bitching and moaning about something so insignificant and having your words fall upon deaf ears. ::puts on big boy pants, grabs suitcase, blogs about fart jokes::

Hey Pittsburgh, maybe you should have won the game in 9 innings like a normal baseball team. Jesus, one minute you are darlings in everyone’s eyes and now you think you can just play 19 inning baseball like it’s no one’s business. I’ve got news for you Pittsburgh: You’re white trash. You can pretend you’re not, atop the Meth NL Central sitting pretty over your ugly step sister St. Louis and adopted asthmatic red-headed brother Cincinnati, but at the end of the day you shoot your crystal just like the rest of the Mid-West: one vein at a time.

Oh and if any one was wondering, here’s what Pittsburgh Pirates pitcher Daniel McCutchen thought of the play.

Then McCutchen realized Lugo was called safe. “Can I say that he was out? Is that legal?” McCutchen asked, adding he saw the tag. (via)

“I can do that right? Also, I only throw strikes so I’m not sure why the umpire kept calling ball DURR”

Thanks Daniel.

*Her real name.

EDIT: Thanks to reader Bill for the heads up on my misquote. It was the pitcher, not the outfield Andrew McCutchen. Joke stays the same. It’s an honest mistake. Because no one cares about the Pirates.

3 responses to “BREAKING: Umpires Are Human

  1. jeff July 27, 2011 at 11:35 AM

    Umpire wanted to go home.

  2. bill July 27, 2011 at 12:47 PM

    You’re clueless man. It wasn’t Andrew McCutchen’s quote, it was the pitcher Daniel McCutchen who said that. Check your writing, brah. Or maybe you should just try writing about something you actually understand or take the time to read about.

  3. Papa Bear July 28, 2011 at 6:28 PM

    or maybe no one gives a shit because its a butt pirates game

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