90 on 95

Sports, rumors, and humor from the Ben Franklin to the George Washington

Jim Schwartz Just Wants To Shake Your Hand

No I said O line Jim, let me see your O line!

The Detroit Lions are turning their season into something special. A perennial loser for the past decade, many experts picked the Lions to be the dark horse of the season, and so far they have not disappointed. At 5-1, the Lions have done just that, and if it weren’t for being in the same division as the Packers, they’d be early leaders for a first round bye in the playoffs. Alas, every team has to lose and the 49ers happily handed the Lions their first of the season on Sunday. The 49ers are strong team as well this year, and the Lions shouldn’t be down on themselves for losing to them. It’s not like they’re the Jets. Or the Giants. Per usual, the game ended with both coaches shaking hands, and that’s where things get interesting. Don’t limp wrist me, ESPN.

Jim Harbaugh charged across the field, lifting his shirt to expose his belly to attempt a chest bump. He extended his right hand to Jim Schwartz for a shake and slapped him on the back with his left hand. Schwartz didn’t like what was done or said — claiming he heard an expletive — and went charging after Harbaugh. What an emotion-filled scene following a meeting of turnaround teams that matched pregame hype in San Francisco’s 25-19 victory over Detroit on Sunday.

More good natured shoving, after the jump

I’m sure we’ve all seen the video by now, so I’m not going to go ad nauseum on you. This has gotten a lot of play on ESPN, and it’s something they just recently talked about on First Take. (I don’t know why I watch that show. I hate Skip Bayless so much that I enjoy watching him if only to yell at my TV incessantly, and marvel at his totally straight, not at all questionable man tan.) Everyone has their opinion, and a majority of the talking heads found on the Monolith seem to applaud Harbaugh’s celebration and essential “shove off” of Schwartz. Now, I’ve got no problem with what Harbaugh did.

No the problem here is that Jim Schwartz may potentially be a mad man.

Courtesy of Kevin Seifert:

Schwartz immediately turned around with a perturbed look on his face, chased Harbaugh down and bumped his right shoulder into Harbaugh’s left shoulder. Schwartz then chased Harbaugh about 40 yards downfield to the players’ tunnel and made a number of attempts to charge into a quickly growing mass of players, coaches and staffers to get at Harbaugh. Order was eventually restored, but afterward Schwartz neither apologized nor backed off his reaction.

“I went to congratulate Coach Harbaugh and got shoved out of the way,” Schwartz said. “And then I didn’t expect an obscenity at that point, so it was a surprise to me at the end of the game.”

My big problem is I’m not sure Schwartz is aware that he is an adult coaching in a league with other adults who are going to use adult language. You were surprised that a fired up coach may have uttered something a long the lines of “Fuck yeah”, as he shook your hand? C’mon man. You know who chases down some who shook them off? Stalkers, Jim, stalkers. And serial killers. Are you a stalker Jim? Are you a serial killer? Holy shit, where were you when Caylee Anthony died? GUYS I THINK WE FOUND HIM!

I’ve got an easy solution though, and if any one from the NFL is reading, you can have this one for free guys: Let’s cut out the post game hand shake. It’s pedantic and almost ironic. There’s a reason hockey players only shake hands at the end of a series during the playoffs. It’s because there is a lot of testosterone all clumped together and it’s really not worth the aftermath. Bench clearing brawls, in all sports, don’t occur because players enjoy fighting. They happen because you put a bunch of sweaty guys in close quarters who are looking to dominate each other, well sparks are going to fly. I’m sorry I just had to take a quick shower, what were we talking about?

Needs moar tongue!

Right, the NFL and it’s ridiculousness. Look, I don’t need my players shaking hands and getting buddy buddy with each other after games. That’s what they do in soccer, and I don’t think any one wants to see Jeff Saturday take off his jersey and give it to Ray Lewis (Except maybe Skip Bayless.) Let’s cut the shit out NFL and take care of more prudent things. Like A.J. Hawk flipping off his own bench.

By the way, Jim Schwartz may be the most aggressive Jew I’ve ever seen since Liev Schreiber in Defiance.


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