90 on 95

Sports, rumors, and humor from the Ben Franklin to the George Washington

Wednesday Power Rankings

The top ten things going on right now, as decided by me. Let’s try to make this weekly.

1. NBA Lockout

We’re almost 5 months into the NBA lockout, but there is good news for bucket heads: Both the owners and players reps are meeting today when they had originally schedule not to. Henry Abbot thinks that no news isn’t necessarily good news. I on the other hand hope that this process drags out until the cancellation of the season. Everyone laughed at me when the NHL season was canceled and belittled my most cherished sport. Well, whose laughing now! ::runs into secret office, laughs maniacally, plays soduku::

2. The Walking Dead

Who said this was going to be about sports? Not me baby. This season started off the way I had been secretly been hoping it would: getting rid of those annoying kids. There’s a recap of the episodes more awesome (RE: only important) parts at Warming Glow. I just wish they could have shot Carl without hurting that poor deer.

3. Beers in the Clubhouse

Jon Lester recently apologized for the whole “beer, fried chicken, and video games” in the club house thing. (By the way, in my new self help book “4 Days rest”, beer, fried chicken and video games are the three pillars of enlightenment.) Now there are reports of the players drinking in the dug out, which the team denies. I don’t see what the big deal is. It’s not like they were going to be called on to pitch in the game. If coach told me I wouldn’t be getting the ball tonight, you’d be hard pressed to find me within 100 feet of a pair of pants. (By the way Beers in the Clubhouse is a good, old guy band name.)

The rest of the rankings, after the jump.

4. Ohio

On Tuesday, a preserve owner outside of Zanesville, Ohio (named after the great Billy Zane) shot himself and freed most of the animals he kept. This led to the police using S.W.A.T teams and night vision goggles to track and tag most of the animals. Most of the animals have been caught, except for a lion, a grizzly bear, and a monkey. May God help us all if those three team up. Yeah, the lion would be the leader, but you know the monkey would be silently pulling the strings. Crafty bastards.

Don’t you ever change, Ohio.

5. Jamie Benn: Goal of the Year?

6. Al Davis is still alive

How else do you explain the Raiders trading two (TWO!) first round picks for Carson Palmer, who was going to retire if he wasn’t traded. He was going to retire. Hey, you know who I want to quarterback my team? Not the guy who is about to retire. This must mean that Al Davis faked his death. Mark my words Al: You may have the others fooled, but not me. I will find you.

7. Baseball is almost over!

The World Series begins tonight, with the St. Louis Cardinals hosting the Texas Rangers. That’s right guys, just another week of baseball, and then it is gone forever. Or, you know, until April. (Cards in 5, BTW.)

8. Mini Rankings!

Mini Power Rankings are all the rage over in Europe, and Papa Bear is always saying we need to be more chic. Here are my NHL Power Rankings (TOP 5)

  • 1. Washington Capitals : At 5-0-0, the Capitals are really clicking early on and goaltender Tomas Vokoun has answered a lot of his critics questions.
  • 2. Colorado Avalanche: Oh snap! That’s right, a 5-game winning streak brings the Avs tied with 4 (or 3) other teams for tops in points in the league. It’s still early, so yeah, I am going to gloat while I can.
  • 3. Detroit Red Wings: A soft schedule, but this team finds ways to win regardless. Johan Franzen is a freak.
  • 4. Pittsburgh Penguins: Evgeni Malkin has missed a few games now, and this team still doesn’t know when Sidney Crosby will be back. Yet the team has been able to grind and earn 2 points in it’s four losses. Can we make Dan Blysma a U.S. citizen and hire him to the national team, pronto?
  • 5.Philadelphia Flyers: The “other” team in Pennsylvania, the Flyers are doing the things we all knew they would be capable of early on. Easy, Breezy, Beautiful is playing big in net, and the offense is dynamite.

9. LeSean McCoy

I think the message is clear Andy: Lose some weight, or LeSean will punch it out of you. (.gif via WWTDD)

10.  Champions League Soccer

Lot’s of fun games yesterdays, including Manchester City getting their first Champions League win ever (COUGH COUGH pussies COUGH COUGH) and Wayne Rooney setting a record for goals in the tournament. This afternoon Chelsea FC hosts Belgian team, Genk, at the Bridge. Come on you Blues!

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