90 on 95

Sports, rumors, and humor from the Ben Franklin to the George Washington

NFL Picks: Week 14


Last Week
Spread: 4-12
Straight up: 8-8

Season
Spread: 93-90-9
Straight up: 127-65

To the millions……thousands….hundreds…ok fine….12 people who read this site, I apologize. 4-12 isn’t a good week. If you bet my picks (which no one ever, ever should do) your probably continuing to realize I have no clue what I am doing. My bad. On the bright side, I’m pretty sure I can do better. Only 3-13, 2-14, 1-15, or the dreaded goose egg could be worse. I think I’ll do better this week. But then again I say that every week. Oh well.

Cleveland (+14) Pittsburgh

Who wouldn’t trust the Steelers. I mean honestly, who doesn’t trust a rapist quarterback???? If the Steelers still had this man kicking the ball then I’d be really confident in them. Steelers 34 Browns 11

Indianapolis (+16.5) Baltimore

For some reason I was watching Jim Caldwell’s press conference the other day. Imagine being in his shoes. You go from being really good at your job to being the absolute hands down worst in just one year. Now each day he has to sit in front of reporters and make up excuses for why his team sucks so much. Poor man. Ravens 26 Colts 13

Atlanta (-3) Carolina

Atlanta made me yell “WHAT THE FUCK” at least twenty-seven times last week. Also, Cam Newton is a BEAST. Did anyone think he’d be half as good as he’s been this year? I’m sure there are still at least 15 redneck Panthers fans who are asking what happened to that cute little white boy who played QB1 for them last year…Oh, you mean this man???

Yup. You’re in better hands now Panthers fans. Still shocked Cam is doing this well. We’ll see if it lasts. Falcons 21 Panthers 20

New Orleans (-3.5) Tennessee

Drew Breeeeeeeees. This spread is verrrry fishy. It seems to low. Maybe it’s because Chris “I fall forward for two yards every carry” Johnson has suddenly turned into Chris “Hey fuck you, I’m still good” Johnson. Let’s keep our dicks in our pants though he has faced Tampa and Buffalo the past two weeks, not the great two defenses in the world. Saints 39 Titans 20

Philadelphia (+3) Miami

**Flash back to week one** If I could have future bet this game with the Eagles getting THREE points I may have wagered 2000002020020049049020094020910940940 dollars. Yeah I know I didn’t use commas my bad. But wow, how quickly things change in this league. Vick being back could hurt the Dolphins, but their defense has been nice the past few weeks. Dolphins 21 Eagles 17

Tampa Bay (-1) Jacksonville

The Over/Under for people at this game has to be set around 250. And yes that includes the players. Bucs 19 Jags 14

New England (-8) Washington

Coach B. definitely had money on the Colts last week. That’s the only way I can justify giving up 3 late TD passes to the great Dan Orlovksy. Patriots 30 Redskins 21

Houston (+3) Cincinnati

T.J. YATES! Bengals 17 Texans 10

Minnesota (+7) Detroit

CHRISTIAN PONDER! Lions 28 Vikings 24

Kansas City (+9) NY Jets

TYLER PALKO! Jets 24 Chiefs 10

San Francisco (-3.5) Arizona

Those three quarterbacks are starting in the NFL this week. Maybe that’s why I can’t pick games properly. I need to stay with sure things….. Like Alex Smith! 49ers 27 Cardinals 16

Chicago (+3.5) Denver

The Broncos are favorites!!!! People are starting to believe……. Que the Morpheus voice: He’s starting to believe.

How do you bet against him? It just feels too right. Broncos 18 Bears 17

Oakland (+11) Green Bay

Remember Raiders fans this man is dead now. You’ll be okay. Soon. Just not this week. Packers 35 Raiders 23

Buffalo (+7) San Diego

The Chargers are 23-2 in their last 25 December games following their tit ripping of the Jaguars last Monday. If this isn’t a perfect time for this, then I don’t know what is. Chargers 30 Bills 24

NY Giants (+3) Dallas

There cannot be two teams that play down/up to their competition more than the Cowboys and Giants. Dallas looked terrible, played stupid, and lost against a horrific Cardinals team last week. The Giants played their hearts out against the Packers and could have ended the Packers pursuit of perfection if Aaron Rodgers wasn’t a God. The Giants SHOULD win this game. But once again the G-men enjoy making things funky. Giants 24 Cowboys 14

St. Louis (+5) Seattle

What an epic game. Whoever is in charge of picking the MNF games should be taken out behind the barn for picking this dandy. Seahawks 17 Rams 7

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