90 on 95

Sports, rumors, and humor from the Ben Franklin to the George Washington

NFL Picks: Divisional Round

Last Week: 2-2

Sooooooooo here’s all you need to know from the first round of the playoffs………the Falcons suck, the Texans-Bengals game was the most boring game I’ve ever seen (until the National Championship game of course), the Saints enjoy scoring as many points as possible and the most important thing, Tim Tebow is in fact Jesus Christ himself.

New Orleans (-3.5) San Francisco

When the lines first came out this week I looked at this one said haha Saints and moved on. Then I started to look into it a little bit more.  A lot of things point to the 49ers in this one. They play good defense, manage games well, and most importantly get to play the Saints at home. If this game was in New Orleans the Saints would be 8, maybe 9 point favorites. Take the Saints out of the SuperDome, I mean Mercedes-Benz Superdome or whatever the hell they are calling it and they are a very, very different team. The Saints went 5-3 on the road this year including loses to the Rams and Bucs, two of the worst teams in the league. The 49ers meanwhile went 7-1 at home losing only a heartbreaker to the Cowboys all the way back in week 2.

I doubt anyone read all that (I know we have been out of college a while so I wouldn’t expect anyone to be able to read more than 2 sentences anymore) but I’ve kind of managed to talk myself into the Niners. The Saints are realllllllllly good but on the road they scare me. Sure Alex Smith is playing QB and sure they have a rookie head coach, but I think their defense will step up and control the pass happy Saints.

I meant to somehow incorporate this picture...It's just too good.

49ers 23 Saints 20

Rest of my picks after the jump

Denver (+13.5) New England

I’m sorry about what I said about you last week Tim Tebow. Okay now that that’s out of the way, I’m going to copy and paste what I wrote in week 15 when these two teams played….

I had a vision the other day about why I’m picking the Patriots. If I were a reporter and I asked the two QB’s playing in this game how they plan on preparing for this game, this is how I envision their responses.

"What a great question!!!! I'm going to read at least 150 verses from the bible and pray all Friday night!!!! God Bless You"


"Me? Yeah I'll go out Friday night, have 5 or 6 gin and tonics and try to slay the hottest bitch in the bar"

I predicted the final score to be 34-20 Pats in that week 15 matchup. It was 41-23. You’ll see much of the same this week. Expect a big game from Gronkowski and one of the 23 Patriot running backs that they’ve thrown out there this season. The Broncos caught a break last week facing a Steelers defense that was missing a bunch of guys. Still it was an insane comeback/game out of the Broncos offense. If the Broncos somehow win this game I may need to take a page out of the Tebow playbook and start going to church again.

Patriots 37 Broncos 13

Houston (+7.5) Baltimore

Another double take line here. Baltimore was a terrible 12-4 team (if there is such a thing). Still playing at home against a rookie quarterback should be an easy win. Not so fast my friend. Baltimore loves keeping games close and with Joe Flacco aka Joe “I may never win a big game in my career” Flacco this one has tight game written all over it. Shit, I’m tempted to say I’d rather have TJ Yates at QB then Flacco.

Yeah, I don't trust that man.

This game will come down to Arian Foster versus Ray Rice and the Texans defense versus the Ravens defense. Expect another close game with one of the defenses making a big play to win it.

Ravens 24 Texans 20 

NY Giants (+7.5) Green Bay

Get ready Coach C

No no sickos that isn’t for the raping the Packers are going to give, it’s for Tom Coughlin’s face!!! There’s a high of 25 in Green Bay on Sunday so don’t forget to lather an insane amount of vaseline on your face Tommy C. One thing I can guarantee you is that it will be cold as fuck at Lambeau. As for what’s going to happen in this game? I have no clue. The G-Men have been playing insanely well the past few weeks. The Packers? eh, kind of sputtering along, giving their starters time off, floating, if you will, into this matchup.

However the Packers do have Aaron Rodgers. He’s America’s quarterback right now. He has the gay double discount commercials, has replaced Peyton Manning in terms of having a rocket arm and now he has a chance to make another deep playoff run. His counterpart only has the weak citizens watch commercial and is far less popular. Unless of course your going by who has a better selection of photoshopped pictures. Quick link to Eli Manning drunk photos right here (clear winner, ARods are very bland).

The Giants are a really good road team and their momentum the past few weeks could very easily carry them to a victory. They need to continue running the ball well and limit their mistakes to have any chance to win this game and I think they’ll do that while the Packers will show a lot of rust and their terrible defense will finally be exposed. But again, I dunno what the hell is going to happen in this one.

Giants 38 Packers 35

Clearly, the best of the Eli photoshops

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