90 on 95

Sports, rumors, and humor from the Ben Franklin to the George Washington

Holy Shit It’s Almost Baseball Season: 5 Phillies Questions

So I haven’t written a word on this site since my tremendous Super Bowl Preview. While it may have been a greatly crafted article, my prediction was not so great. That post was done over a month ago and after some encouragement from Captain Dan  I realized it’s time to get back to work.

Last recap why I haven’t written anything:

– For the most part I spent all my time watching all five seasons of the Wire. If you haven’t watched it get the fuck on that. Amazingly good.

Oh shit it's Omar

– I slept.

– I drank.

– I drove to work and talked to people about how amazing the iPhone was for 9 hours a day.

– I tried to talk myself into believing the Sixers actually had a chance at making a run into the playoffs. Then I realized they’d have to beat the Heat and/or Bulls. Waste of my time.

Beaker. He's managed to make Sam Bowie look like the greatest #2 pick ever.

– Lastly I’ve watched the Devils (Yes, hockey is still a sport in this country). They’ve been good/bad/good/bad/good/good/bad/bad/good. I don’t know what the hell to expect from them, but I think they are kinda good.

Despite all this excitement in my amazing life, I’m looking forward to a month from now. Sure I’ll still sleep, drink, and talk about the iPhone, but Phillies baseball will finally be back. THANK YOU GOD. Sure I love watching the Sixers and sure I think the Devils are decent, but honestly life without baseball is very, very depressing.

I’ll jump right into the Phillies since I really don’t give a fuck any other team in the MLB.

Question 1: Will this team ever be healthy?

Everyone is old. Everyone is hurt. However I’m most nervous that Ryan Howard has consumed 67 big philly Cheesesteaks and has run approximately 0 miles since his achilles burst into flames against the Cardinals. Hopefully fat Howard will go back to his home run hitting ways instead of his “making the last out of the every season ways”.

Question 2: Is it possible that this team can get older?

No. Unless of course we bring back Jamie Moyer who, fore some reason is trying the comeback at the ripe young age of 74. Aside from Hunter Pence and John Mayberry every Phillies starting hitter is over 30 years of age. But don’t worry the Phillies brass went out and got a good, young, crisp bench. There’s potential for the Phillies to have a bench consisting of, Jim Thome (41), Ty Wigginton (34), Laynce Nix (31) and Juan Pierre (34). Neat.

Question 3: Domonic Brown?

Old Domonic…..

New Domonic…..

That is all.

Question 4: Is Chase Utley dead?

Go to this website. Look from 2008-2011. Look at the decline….in.every.stat.possible. Yup, panic a bit. The Luscious lower body of Chase Utley is quickly falling apart. He still hasn’t played this spring not because he’s injured, but for fear he will be injured. From 05′-09′ this guy played harder than anyone I’ve ever seen. Now you need to tell him he needs to take it easy? It’s like having a dog that loves running and playing catch all day, everyday, then all of a sudden he just stops and can barely stand up anymore. Not a good sign. Yes I just compared Chase Utley to an animal. I’m worried about him, and myself.

So Sexy.

Question 5: Is it 2008 again?

Lotta similarities here.

Jayson Werth was an up and coming decent platoon guy who everyone said would be a monster if he played everyday. That happened in 2008 and he was a monster. Reminds me a lot of John Mayberry Jr. who is very, very similar to Werth in terms of getting an opportunity to play and also having a similar set of talent, except he’s black, taller, and looks like a teddy bear while J-Dub looks like a caveman.

Going into ’08 the Phillies acquired a closer named Brad Lidge. He went 48-48 in saves. Now the Phillies have Jonathan Papelbon. I’ll get into my feelings about him at some point, but they are  very mixed. Unless of course he went perfect in save opportunities then he’d officially be my favorite player ever.

Christ almighty.... I really need to root for this douchebag?

I’ll delve into things a bit deeper soon but goddamn thank you baby Jesus that baseball season is around the corner.

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