90 on 95

Sports, rumors, and humor from the Ben Franklin to the George Washington

Phillies Preview: The Lineup

Good to see you too Chuck

Well it is that time of year again.  The snow is melting, the birds are chirping, Spring is in the air.  The crack of the bat and the snap of the glove legitimately arouses me.  I literally found myself watching a Mets/Nationals spring training game on TV the other night (I was also drinking).  Baseball season means a lot to the scribes on this particular website and we are going to do our damnedest to give you the most accurate preview of the two main squads (Yanks & Phillies) we will be complaining about.  We may even let Joe write something about the Marlins (doubtful).  So without further ado, here is our Phillies Lineup Preview.

By batting order:

"I cant believe they gave me four years either"

1.  Jimmy Rollins

J-Roll is back with a shiny new 4 year contract.  Personally I’m very happy.  Jimmy is not only one of the core members of this particular team, but he is probably one of the greatest players to ever wear the red pinstripes.  An absolute fan favorite that would have been a awful miscalculation had Ruben not resigned him.  But lets not sugarcoat it, Jimmy is still gonna pop up 3-1 fastballs to the infield like it is going out of style, he is still going to be a hot/cold hitter who tries to hit homers.  And you know what?  I’m OK with it.  Jimmy is gonna be Jimmy.  I am still going to scream obscenities at him on a regular basis, but that is just my way of saying “I Love You.”


.273 13HRs 71RBI 22SB

Every girl crazy bout a sharp dressed man

2.  Shane Victorino

Shane-O is a free agent after this year and he has expressed no interest in going anywhere else.  He won a championship here, he has a charity here, is raising his children here.  Shane is a gold glove center fielder that has potential to be a 25 HR guy…which is rare.  Shane, unfortunately, is a graduate of the Jimmy Rollins plate discipline academy.  It frightens me to know how many times a pitcher got through the first inning in less than 10 pitches last year against the Phils.  Hopefully having Shane at the top of the lineup will motivate him to start swiping bags again.  An act that was curiously missing from the lineup last year, undoubtedly due to the fact that his calves keep exploding.


.294 19HRs 84 RBI 25SB

"Yeah my knee hurts this bad"

3.  Chase Utley

Everybody needs to PUMP THE BRAKES on Chase this year.  We went into last season with Chase suffering a debilitating and extremely painful knee condition*.  He somehow managed to get himself onto the field and played at a high level.  Yeah his numbers weren’t what they usually are, but give the guy a break.  Nobody in baseball plays harder than Chase….NOBODY.  All those years of giving 110% have taken a toll on his non steroid abusing body.  Chase still hasn’t even made it on the field for spring training this year thus giving people in the Delaware Valley chest pains and shortness of breath.  But in all honesty: do you really think he needs to take 2500 ground balls?  He came out of the womb with a cheek full of skoal and a swing that could bring peace to the middle east.  I’m expecting BIG things for Chaser.

*I actually have very benign version of this condition in my right knee.  Some mornings i wake up and feel like Nancy Kerigan it hurts so bad.  I can only imagine how Chases’ knees must feel.


.289 24HRs 96RBIs 15SB


This has nothing to do with anything...but I love it

4.  Ryan Howard

We all know how last year ended.  I can not think about it without feeling sick to my stomach.  The Big Piece is currently rehabbing his Achilles and suffered a somewhat serious setback by getting an infection where his stitches were located.  Medical people don’t see him getting back on the field until May.  Not great news obviously.  But there is a silver lining!  Since Ryno has been immobile for most of the past few months he has gotten fat.  How is this a positive you might ask?  Allow me to elaborate.  Fat Ryan was 2005 NL Rookie of the year, 2006 MVP, 40+ HR 120+RBI threat every year.  Skinny Ryan?  Strikeout looking to end the season in 2010, and swinging Achilles bursting ground ball in 2011.  I know its a stretch but if we could have 4 solid months of fat Ryan, I think we are in good shape (Pun intended).


Abbreviated for injury

.269 20HR’s 75RBIs 1SB and less strikeouts than normal…which will be nice


Someone did P90x

5.  Hunter Pence

Hunter will enjoy his first full season in the friendly confines of CBP this year.  I for one am really excited about this.  I can easily see his majestic blasts landing in the upper deck at Harry the K’s.  Pence has talent for days and if he can put it all together I can see him in the running for NL MVP.  He has never played on a team this talented in his life and when the lineup is fully back together there is gonna be a lot of “Good Game, Lets go Eat” happening.


.318 34HRs 110RBIs 18SBs

He can manage your assets AND hit for average


6.  John Mayberry Jr

Big John is due for a huge year in my opinion.  Freak athlete, Stanford educated, fan of mermaids.  The guy has it all.  I could easily see him slipping into the Jayson Werth role as the “Potential” guy that could be due for a huge season.  If he can do what he did last year in limited duty for a whole season, then we are in great shape.


.289 22HR’s 95RBIs 15SBs

Photo is to Scale

7.Placido Polanco

Polly had a tough season last year mostly due to the fact that he is old as shit.  His body has been carrying around that massive head of his for a long time and apparently it had enough.  He still won the gold glove last year, but his offensive numbers were abysmal after the all star break.  Usually one of the most patient hitters in baseball, he started becoming impatient at the plate to try and make up for his deficiencies.  I hope he was prescribed some HGH so he can resemble the guy management signed to be our everyday 3rd baseman and # 2 hitter in the lineup.


.290 8HRs 75RBIs 6SBs


8. Chooch

Carlos Ruiz is the glue that holds this team together.  He manages the pitching staff, has become one of the most clutch hitters, and has hilarious little handshakes with other players on the team.  EXTREMELY underrated defensive catcher as well.  Chooch will have a very Chooch-like season no doubt.  No one expects a whole lot out of him offensively, but this dude shows up when it matters most: The Postseason.  And without him, I doubt we would get there.

.280 12HRs 67RBIs 3SBs


Ty Wigginton

Don’t know much about him other than he is a power hitter that can play several positions.  He should be good addition to the squad

Jim Thome

LOVE THIS.  Will play the role of Matt Stairs and might see some time over at 1b.

Laynce Nix

I hated him on the Nationals, which is usually a good sign that he is a solid player.  Also has serious bomb dropping potential

Juan Pierre/Scott Podsednik

Exactly the same type of player.  Speedy, patient hitters, aggressive fielders, solid base runners.  I would say you could barely tell the difference between the two, but , well, you know.


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