90 on 95

Sports, rumors, and humor from the Ben Franklin to the George Washington

Phillies Preview: The Pitchers

Wow how did I miss this gem???????

Glad I got the pitchers this year because the Phillies hitting right now is a downright mess. Luckily the Phillies still have a couple of guys who know how to throw the baseball. If they lose this ability….Well, the Phillies are fucked. The Phillies pitchers have to (and most likely will) carry this team once again. On to the previews.

The Rotation

Yup, just Roy Halladay as Punxsutawney Halladay.

Roy Halladay

The best. The greatest. I just chuckle when people say that he’s hurt or that something is wrong with him since he’s been sucking thus far this spring. Let’s not forget that his name is Roy Halladay aka God of throwing a baseball. He’s on a pretty wild streak since 2005. For the past six seasons Halladay has made over 30 starts and has won over 15 games every year. I’d go through and look to see if there’s any pitchers that have also done that, but that’s a lot of work and that’s not exactly my cup of tea. I’ll put my money on Roy being one of the few, if not the only that has accomplished that. Roy will be Roy this year.

Stats: 17-9. 2.78 ERA. 1.02 WHIP. 219 innings. 36 walks. 197 Strikeouts. 5 CG.

Still one of the greatest photoshops ever made.

Cliff Lee

The prized signing of the 2010 offseason was also the reason the Phillies lost in the playoffs in 2011. The Phillies spotted Clifford a 4-0 lead through two innings in game 2 against the Cardinals and then the unthinkable happened. Cliff started to suck. The same guy who was lights out in the Phils 09′ playoff run fell flat on his face and blew the lead and ultimately the season. Cliff did have a great regular season including a stretch of three straight complete game shutouts. But I’ll judge him on what he did in the playoffs so Cliff, fucking redeem yourself.

Stats: 15-6. 3.15 ERA. 1.09 WHIP. 201 innings. 42 walks. 175 strikeouts. 6 CG.


I stand corrected. That is the greatest photoshop ever.

CONTRACT YEAR!!!!! YESSSSSSIR!!!! I love Cole. He deserves to get paid. I’m pretty sure the Phillies will pay him. I’m also slightly concerned he’s going to try and go balls out so that he gets a bagillion dollars this offseason. Even if he does press a little bit I still think Cole is going to be a monster this year. Maybe even better than the two guys ahead of him.

Stats: 19-9. 2.83 ERA. 1.02 WHIP. 227 innings. 41 walks. 196 strikeouts. 2 CG.

Vance Worley

Sadly the Vanimal isn’t a big enough name to have a good photoshopped picture. Worley was really, really good as a 5th starter last season and it is going to be very interesting to see how he doe in his sophomore campaign. The great Vance appeared in 25 games last season and lost only three games. That’s really, really good. Sadly the sophomore jinx is very common and I’m worried he’ll struggle to duplicate his success from last year. Then again he’s looked insanely good this spring. I’d say we’ll see a mixed bag from the Vanimal this season.

Stats: 12-7. 3.54 ERA. 1.12 WHIP. 167 innings. 75 walks. 179 strikeouts. 0 CG. 

Joe Blanton

Fat Joe is back in business. He’s been really good thus far this spring but let’s not be fooled by Fat Joe’s tricks. He’s going to be mediocre, and everyone will bitch and moan about him since he’s expected to be on the same level as the rest of the Phillies starters. I still think there is a strong chance they’ll trade him at some point and let ::::gulp:::: Kyle Kendrick do his thang as the 5th starter. If County does stick around expect mediocre, and from my 5th starter I’m okay with that.

Stats: 27 starts. 10-12. 4.29 ERA. 1.29 WHIP. 159 innings. 65 walks. 120 strikeouts. 0 CG.

The Pen

Kyle Kendrick

Chad Qualls

Jose Contreras

Antonio Bastardo

Michael Stutes

David Herndon

Jonathan Papelbon

Analysis: The Phillies don’t need a great bullpen. 90% of the games are going to be the starters pitching into the 7th, 8th, or 9th innings. KK is a great long man who would be a 5th starter on nearly every team in baseball. Qualls/Contreras are both old and really aren’t that effective. Qualls is a home run machine and Jose’s arm could fall off at any point. Bastardo/Stutes/Herndon are going to be the bridge to Papelbon. I like Herndon and Bastardo to improve upon last years success but I think Stutes may take a step back due to only having a fastball.

Finally there is this man.

Did the Phillies overpay for Papelon? Absolutely. Is he fucking insane? Damn right. Is he cocky as shit? Hell yeah. I love people that talk shit and are cocky and Papelbon has already done that. He’s a really, really good closer and I’m pretty sure he’ll be a hit in Philadelphia. After last year he needed to get the hell out of Boston and I feel like the change of scenery will help him immensely.

Stats: 2-3. 48 saves. 1.97 ERA. 76 innings. 22 walks. 83 strikeouts.

Only a couple more weeks til real baseball. Thank you God.

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