90 on 95

Sports, rumors, and humor from the Ben Franklin to the George Washington

Russia over USA………Really Ilya?


Wrong flag Kovy

Going into the 2011-12 NHL season things weren’t looking great for the New Jersey Devils. Like many people who follow the Devils I was concerned they’d do their standard solid regular season then duck out in the playoffs like they’d done for the past six seasons. There were many, many questions:

  • Is this Marty’s last ride?
  • Is Zach going to re-sign once the season ends or ditch the Devils for milllllllions of dollars?
  • Will Travis Zajac ever play?
  • Can I name a single defensemen they have?
  • Is this new coach Pete DeBoer an NHL head coach or is it just a front for him being a serial killer? (Still think he is a serial killer, guy is really creepy…and never blinks)
  • But the main question was always, Is this goddamn Russian guy the Devils are paying $101 million going to lead us to a Cup?

All those questions going into the year really made me think the Devils were going to sink really, really quickly.

Despite my doubts some cool things happened and the Devils had a great regular season. Kovalchuk, Parise, Elias, Zubrus, and Sykora all played incredibly well even though the latter three are a combined 735 years old. Add in the surprise players like David Clarkson and Adam Henrique and the Devils actually had some depth at forward. Mix in the great trade for a true offensive defensemen in Marek Zidlicky, the return of the injured Travis Zajac, and solid play from Marty and the Devils actually looked like a legit playoff team.

Everyone knows how the playoffs transpired. It all came down to game 6 in the Stanley Cup Finals for the Devils. Steve Bernier took literally the worst/most stupid penalty I’ve ever seen leading to what felt like around 13 goals for the Kings in a two minute span and just like that, the 11-12 season was in the books. Pretty frustrating way to end a great season.

Then the offseason from hell went down…..

July 2nd 2012: Marty Brodeur signs a 2 year/$9 million dollar deal with the New Jersey Devils

Then things unraveled for the Devils…..Really, really quickly.

– July 4th 2012: Zach Parise signs a 9 year/$98 million dollar deal with the Minnesota Wild

Tim Parker Analysis: Oh No.

– September 15th 2012: NHL Lockout Starts

Tim Parker Analysis: Oh well maybe I’ll never have to see Zach in a Wild jersey.

– January 6th 2013: NHL Lockout ends

Tim Parker Analysis: Wow I can’t wait to see Ilya Kovalchuk dangle his heart out.

– January 7thish 2013: Ilya Kovalchuk  says “I hate America, I love Russia. Fuck the NHL I’m staying here bitches.”

Tim Parker Analysis: Okay, the date/quote may be a touch inaccurate but come the fuck on Ilya. I know I’m blowing this out of proportion and there’s a 99.91% he does come back in time for game 1 this season, but if he doesn’t come back the Devils are REALLY screwed. Sure he’s lazy, doesn’t play defense and has a tendency to completely disappear off the ice for long periods of time, but there is almost always a clip of time where he does something that blows your mind. It may be an end line to end line carry of the puck through all five defenders or a sweet slapper from the blue line that looks like its going 112 MPH but at some point in each game Ilya Kovalchuk takes over and does something cool. Without Kovalchuk the Devils are lacking star power and don’t have anyone close to his scoring ability aka they are going to be cellar dwelling for this year.

You can hate the United States all you want Mr. Kovalchuk but as a fan who pays money to watch you play just get your body on this soil and starting scoring goals for me. Thanks.

Signed: All of New Jersey

Now a video just to remind you why Ilya Kovalchuk, loud fans and absolutely everything about hockey is so amazing. Thank you Jesus for bringing it back.

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