90 on 95

Sports, rumors, and humor from the Ben Franklin to the George Washington

Super Bowl 47 Prediction


Is it sad that for the past week or so everyday when I wake up the first thing I think about is who is going to win the Super Bowl? Is it even worse that every day I change my mind on who I think is going to win? Honestly if it wasn’t for gambling I really wouldn’t care about this game. Sure watching the game is fun, but really all I want to do is win a quarter in my grid pool, get a bunch of stupid questionnaire questions correct and hope that I win money on my bets…….of course eating an obscene amount of food and drinking lots of beer also makes the day worth while. I’ve tried to read literally every single article written about this game in some sort of attempt to gain some knowledge on who will win and in turn have me win some money on it….Here’s some cool shit I found:

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Saturday Quickie


Timmy P has not graced this wonderful website with any NFL picks since the Super Bowl last year so I figured I’d throw some quick picks at you. Anyone that was looking for my wizard-like advice for this season I apologize. I really didn’t keep track of my record this year, but based on my account balance at betbigcity.com (Yes, that is a real place) I think my record this year wasn’t pretty. Here’s some picks.

DENVER (-9) Baltimore

New England versus Denver next week will be a real treat. Unfortunately there are two really mediocre teams standing in the way of this dream matchup. Baltimore has the “our best player in franchise history is retiring as soon as we lose” factor going for them, but they also have this man leading their offensive charge.

Ray Lewis is one of my favorite players to every play the game of football. He’s one of the best linebackers to ever play and an even better leader/motivational speaker. He probably has at least 34 offers from southern churches to become their next leader in prayer. The Ravens defense is much healthier than they were during their 34-17 beat down the Broncos handed them last month. In that matchup they had a third-string linebacker playing in place of Ray Lewis who was on the field for every single play against the Manning led offense. I’ll take Ray Lewis with a bionic arm over that guy. Editor note: Since I’m my own editor I guess it’s just a note: too lazy to look up guys name. if you really care do it on your own. Thanks.

The only other thing that scares me is the silly stat that Peyton Manning is 0-3 in the playoffs when the temperature dips below 35 degrees. Gay stat, I refuse to acknowledge it…..but if the Broncos lose I guess Peyton really does hate the cold.

I think Demaryius Thomas and New Jersey’s finest Knowshon Moreno are going to have big days and that Von Miller will have a minimum of 2 sacks. Peyton will break his stupid outdoor playoff losing streak and the Broncos will roll.

Broncos 30 Ravens 14

Packers – Niners after the jump

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Russia over USA………Really Ilya?


Wrong flag Kovy

Going into the 2011-12 NHL season things weren’t looking great for the New Jersey Devils. Like many people who follow the Devils I was concerned they’d do their standard solid regular season then duck out in the playoffs like they’d done for the past six seasons. There were many, many questions:

  • Is this Marty’s last ride?
  • Is Zach going to re-sign once the season ends or ditch the Devils for milllllllions of dollars?
  • Will Travis Zajac ever play?
  • Can I name a single defensemen they have?
  • Is this new coach Pete DeBoer an NHL head coach or is it just a front for him being a serial killer? (Still think he is a serial killer, guy is really creepy…and never blinks)
  • But the main question was always, Is this goddamn Russian guy the Devils are paying $101 million going to lead us to a Cup?

All those questions going into the year really made me think the Devils were going to sink really, really quickly.

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ROLL TIDE


After reading that the great Joseph Auger actually thinks that the shitty Notre Dame Fighting Irish  have a chance tonight I figured I’d throw my two cents in. Fair warning I haven’t written more than 2 paragraphs in about a year so there’s a 97.2% chance this is real messy…Like this picture…

Tell me this doesn’t make you feel confident in Alabama

I’d love to see Notre Dame win this game. It would be a cute cinderella story, I fucking hate Alabama and most importantly I would love nothing more than to see Nick Saban really disappointed. I’ll never forget that Nick Saban absolutely raped my beloved Dolphins by attempting to be an NFL coach for two god awful seasons. Saban then decided to bolt for Bama where he turned them into an absolute powerhouse. Cool Nick, thanks.

As far as this game goes I think Alabama has an advantage in every aspect. Alabama has been here before and Notre Dame is relatively new to the whole “being good” thing. This is their first time being decent since 2006 when the great fat wonder known as Charlie Weis led them to a 10-3 record. Since that season they’ve gone….3-9…7-6…6-6…8-5…8-5. Really, really mediocre. Alabama meanwhile has gone 55-12 in the past 5 seasons. Sure Notre Dame went 12-0 this season but they beat at best 2 good teams, Stanford at home and an incredibly mediocre Oklahoma team. They also nearly lost to Pittsburgh and Purdue, teams which Alabama would probably beat by 30.

Despite all the hype about Notre Dame, Albama should win pretty easily. They have a better offense than Notre Dame has seen all year and have faced a much tougher schedule. Their only loss came to the great Johnny Football and their only other real close games came against a really good Georgia team and LSU both teams who would easily beat Notre Dame as well. Their only like opponent was Michigan who they both beat, Notre Dame 13-6 and Alabama 41-14. My only real fear of this game is that A. Manti Te’o is an absolute freak who could easily kill an Alabama player and that B. AJ McCarron cried after beating LSU.

Not the most confident face I’ve ever seen

 While a lot of people are picking Notre Dame I just really don’t see it. I guess people like being trendy. Alabama has more experience and an absolute freak one-two punch at running back with Lacey and Yeldon, I think they will go crazy especially Yeldon who is an absolute machine. Notre Dame’s only real strength is their defense, but going against an offensive line like Alabama’s is going to be a challenge.

Well I’m going to go paint an elephant on my tits, Roll Tide!

Prediction:
Alabama (-9) 24
Notre Dame 13

Phillies Preview: The Pitchers


Wow how did I miss this gem???????

Glad I got the pitchers this year because the Phillies hitting right now is a downright mess. Luckily the Phillies still have a couple of guys who know how to throw the baseball. If they lose this ability….Well, the Phillies are fucked. The Phillies pitchers have to (and most likely will) carry this team once again. On to the previews.

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Peyton Manning


Please baby Jesus make it happen. Dick exploding? That would ben an understatement Joseph Auger. I love football, but the Dolphins absolutely sucking the past 10 years has made me say, “fuck you football”. Of course I love gambling on it and fantasy football but the actual rooting for a team part of it? Eh. However, that lovely young (by that I mean old as hell) gentlemen in the blue up there would instantly make me fall in love with the Dolphins again. Does it matter that his neck has potential to explode at any point???? Of course not it’s Peyton Fucking Manning! Let’s look at who has played quarterback for the Dolphins since the great #13 retired. Warning: You will probably not remember any of these people because every single one of them ABSOLUTELY SUCKED when on the Dolphins.

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Holy Shit It’s Almost Baseball Season: 5 Phillies Questions


So I haven’t written a word on this site since my tremendous Super Bowl Preview. While it may have been a greatly crafted article, my prediction was not so great. That post was done over a month ago and after some encouragement from Captain Dan  I realized it’s time to get back to work.

Last recap why I haven’t written anything:

– For the most part I spent all my time watching all five seasons of the Wire. If you haven’t watched it get the fuck on that. Amazingly good.

Oh shit it's Omar

– I slept.

– I drank.

– I drove to work and talked to people about how amazing the iPhone was for 9 hours a day.

– I tried to talk myself into believing the Sixers actually had a chance at making a run into the playoffs. Then I realized they’d have to beat the Heat and/or Bulls. Waste of my time.

Beaker. He's managed to make Sam Bowie look like the greatest #2 pick ever.

– Lastly I’ve watched the Devils (Yes, hockey is still a sport in this country). They’ve been good/bad/good/bad/good/good/bad/bad/good. I don’t know what the hell to expect from them, but I think they are kinda good.

Despite all this excitement in my amazing life, I’m looking forward to a month from now. Sure I’ll still sleep, drink, and talk about the iPhone, but Phillies baseball will finally be back. THANK YOU GOD. Sure I love watching the Sixers and sure I think the Devils are decent, but honestly life without baseball is very, very depressing.

I’ll jump right into the Phillies since I really don’t give a fuck any other team in the MLB.

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The Tim Parker Super Bowl Post


The Super Bowl Yayyyy!!!!! Nothing beats seeing two teams I absolutely despise play each other in the biggest game of the season. Thanks to Tim Tebow using the power of the almighty Jesus Christ he beat a rapist and gave Tom Brady and his Pats had an easy road to the Super Bowl (did any one honestly think Shane Joe Falco Flacco could take a team to the Super Bowl???). Then there’s the Giants. They have been playing PERFECT football the past five weeks. Yes, perfect, much like the Patriots record in 2008 going into Super Bowl 42 against the same New York Giants. Despite my hatred for both these teams it should be an exciting game. Even if it isn’t I’ll have at least 40 buffalo wings and 24 Budweisers so I’ll be a winner come Sunday.

On to the keys to winning Super Bowl 46

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NFL Picks: Conference Championships


I’m on vacation no time to write anything!!!

Last Week
Straight up: 4-0
Spread: 4-0

Baltimore (+7) New England

Tom Brady is too good. He will win it late on a pass to Gronkowski. Patriots 28 Ravens 24

NY Giants (+2) San Francisco

San Francisco lit up the terrible Saints defense, they won’t have the same success against a strong Giants defense. Expect a lot of ugliness due to the rain, but I’ll take Eli over Alex Smith. Giants 20 49ers 16 

NFL Picks: Divisional Round


Last Week: 2-2

Sooooooooo here’s all you need to know from the first round of the playoffs………the Falcons suck, the Texans-Bengals game was the most boring game I’ve ever seen (until the National Championship game of course), the Saints enjoy scoring as many points as possible and the most important thing, Tim Tebow is in fact Jesus Christ himself.

New Orleans (-3.5) San Francisco

When the lines first came out this week I looked at this one said haha Saints and moved on. Then I started to look into it a little bit more.  A lot of things point to the 49ers in this one. They play good defense, manage games well, and most importantly get to play the Saints at home. If this game was in New Orleans the Saints would be 8, maybe 9 point favorites. Take the Saints out of the SuperDome, I mean Mercedes-Benz Superdome or whatever the hell they are calling it and they are a very, very different team. The Saints went 5-3 on the road this year including loses to the Rams and Bucs, two of the worst teams in the league. The 49ers meanwhile went 7-1 at home losing only a heartbreaker to the Cowboys all the way back in week 2.

I doubt anyone read all that (I know we have been out of college a while so I wouldn’t expect anyone to be able to read more than 2 sentences anymore) but I’ve kind of managed to talk myself into the Niners. The Saints are realllllllllly good but on the road they scare me. Sure Alex Smith is playing QB and sure they have a rookie head coach, but I think their defense will step up and control the pass happy Saints.

I meant to somehow incorporate this picture...It's just too good.

49ers 23 Saints 20

Rest of my picks after the jump

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