90 on 95

Sports, rumors, and humor from the Ben Franklin to the George Washington

Category Archives: College Basketball

Rags-standing on the verge of gettin it on

First things first, if you don’t want to hear the biased opinion of a spoiled New York Yankees, Rangers, Giants, and Knicks fan, you’re in the wrong place.  Now, what better way to pop my 90 on 95 cherry than talking about the Rags and their playoff chances.  Monday night’s comeback win over Boston was possibly the best game of the season for the Rangers.  Of course that was the same night as our precious NCAA championship game so I stopped watching after the third Bruins goal,  naturally.  While I was sitting in the bar watching the single worst game of basketball I’d ever seen (men, high school or even women) I found out that the Rangers had defied all odds and won.  Last I saw, Boston had a fuckin 3 goal kush in the second period.  I mean any Rags fan knows we are not a comeback team of late, shit we can hardly score 2 in a game.  But, out of nowhere Wojtek Wolski decided to show up.  After averaging around ten minutes a game and being a healthy scratch in that embarrassing loss to the Isles, Wojtek brought his team back from the grave.  I figured we’d lost and were on our way to having a repeat of last year’s fail against that team the Flyers from some city in Pennsylvania.  I think it’s called Camden-New Jersey, Pennsylvania (side bar: Rangers buried the Flyers last time I was at the Garden… a laugher that finished 7-0 I think).


Rangers salute after pummeling Philly

photo found here, thanks Bob Fina

But this time we’ve got the Polish wunderkind Wolski, who was right in the middle of things, primary assisting on goals 1 and 2.  By the time Doobie tied it late in the 3rd it was just a matter of time before the Rags produced the winner, even from the unlikely stick of Michael Sauer.  Good thing the entire state of Connecticut has this unwarranted allegiance to UCONN basketball so I could catch that awful game instead of the second half of the Rags’ epic comeback.  I seriously think the game was fixed.  I mean the over/under was 129 and they could have played triple OT and not scored 130 points.  Yet, there I was listening to some drunk old guy talking about how “the rims are tighter than a frog’s asshole” and shit like that.  My remedy was to keep pounding pilsners, which isn’t really anything new.  Even if I had been at Madison Square Garden, and not stuck watching fuckin basketball, the beer would’ve been flowing steadily.  So I guess that’s not exactly a remedy, but rather a fact.

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The True Power-Conference: UCONN Wins March Madness Tournament

Kemba "Sky" Walker Leads UCONN and the Big East to a National Championship

Finally all the naysayers can shut their mouths. All we heard after the first weekend of the NCAA tournament was the Big East didn’t deserve to have 11 teams selected to play in the Tournament.  Well guess what.  It matters who wins on the last day not the first day (although if had Butler won, a case could be made for this play).  And on this last day, the Big East reigned supreme.  Led by player of the year contender Kemba Walker’s 16 points and 9 boards, UCONN redeemed the Big East’s overall poor performance in this year’s tournament.  When Butler came out in a zone defense in the second half, UCONN moved away from the pick and roll.  After coach Jim Calhoun’s halftime adjustments, the Huskies instead utilized baseline screens to create open jumpers and drives to the basket.  Alex Oriakhi had an 11 point 11 rebound double-double, and Jeremy Lamb chipped in with 12 points and 7 boards.  Calhoun is now 3-0 in National Championship games.

Butler deserves the utmost respect for their performance during the past two Tournaments.  The New York Times determined that Butler’s odds of making the Championship Game this year were .9 percent.  Last year they were listed at 1.5 percent.  The Times goes on to calculate that the odds of Butler making the National Championship both of those years was 7,406 to 1.  Hats off to the Bulldogs.

There are many things in question before a new college basketball season begins.  Who will enter the draft this year?  What coaching changes will be made (is Brad Stevens going to stay at a small mid-major when schools will most likely be opening their coffers for him?).  And how will the top recruits perform?  What isn’t in question is the fact that in 2011 the UCONN Huskies and Big East are champions.  Go Huskies.

A Southern Fortune Cookie


Every time Kentucky has won a Championship since 1949, so have the New York Yankees



Barstool Sports NY:

Well if it wasn’t official already, it is today!    Championship #28 is on it’s way to the Bronx!   I just checked the stats on Wikipedia and the last 6 times Kentucky has won the National Championship, the Yankees have won the World Series. You could look it up.   1949, 1951, 1958, 1978, 1996 (Back at the track at the wall we are TIED!) and 1998.    The last 6 Kentucky titles in April have led to Yankee titles in October.   Not once or twice, or even 3 times.  6 fucking times!    You don’t bet against a streak like that.   It’s like KFC just said, “Every time VCU wins it, the Mets win the World Series.”   Same thing.    Plus it all makes sense now why I liked Kentucky so much (did I mention I liked Kentucky?)   It wasn’t Coach Cal, it wasn’t Brandon Knight, it was the Yankee connection that existed all along.  It’s like the 2 greatest teams/programs are forever linked in sports history.   If you double-check that picture of me with the 2 Playmates like all the girls have been doing this morning, that hip shirt I have on is pure Kentucky blue!  It’s like an unstoppable force right now.    Listen the Red Sox can try to buy a championship all they want this year.   We’ll take Destiny every time.


So the hilarious blog-geniuses over at Barstool Sports NY have discovered a crack in the space-time continuum; evidently, the last six times Kentucky has won the NCAA Men’s Basketball Championship, the Yankees have won the World Series.  According to Barstool Sports, Kentucky and NY have both won championships in 1949, 1951, 1958, 1978, 1996 and 1998.  While I wouldn’t go as far as to say that Kentucky is the best Men’s Basketball Program (see: UCLA, 11 National Titles), I would agree that this is quite an interesting phenomenon.  For all you fans of both the Big East and the Yankees out there that may be reconsidering your allegiance to UCONN this weekend, don’t forget, the Yankees have also done it 21 times without the Wildcat’s help.  Hopefully if Kentucky does win, it won’t be vacated like Calipari’s previous two Final Four appearances.


Expert Analysis from ESPN

Well here are your so-called ESPN Expert Analysts.  Apparently Dick Vitale’s wife wouldn’t have picked VCU.  Well apparently she knows about as much about college basketball as you do Dicky V.  And don’t get me wrong; I am sure no one in the universe, outside of a VCU alum, actually picked them to be in the Final Four, but is it necessary to have such a smug attitude when talking about these picks?  Just look at Jay Bilas’ face at the end of the video when he says that these UAB and VCU don’t even pass the laugh test.  I guess that is just the attitude and level of character that is taught at Duke.  Guess that’s why the Dukies will be watching VCU and Butler from their homes this year.  And Digger… do you really think that Colorado had the stones to make it to the Final Four just because they beat overrated Missouri and Texas squads?  They had three shots at beating Kansas this year (including a 26 point blowout), and the closest they came was a four point loss.  And don’t you just love the message that VCU sent to Kansas?  It isn’t about looking like a champion, it’s about playing and performing like one.  How bout instead of sticker shopping, you so-called experts actually do some research on the personnel and team match-ups?  You guys missed a slam dunk to promote a mid-major this year in Butler, and with the recent trend in college basketball it may be time to reconsider how we view the mid-major conferences.

Red Stunk

I hope this makes you feel better

As many of you die-hard St. John’s fans out there know (wait, are there any diehard Saint John’s fans out there?), it’s been 11 long years since Gonzaga derailed St Johns in the NCAA Tourney, crushing my 12-year-old heart.  All day I sat in my office with thoughts of revenge.  I was more anxious than Lindsay Lohan’s Dad at a child custody hearing as I pretended to be interested in the other games.   Finally, game-time.  Bar-time.  After St John’s got off to a hot start I was already thinking about BYU.  It only took one quick beer to create a time vortex placing me back on my grandmother’s couch, with visions of upsets running through my mind.  St John’s was over-anxious, running around like drunken toddlers.  The Red Storm were so eager to play defense they forgot to guard half of the court.  A backdoor cut here, a wide-open three there (which Gonzaga hit at a 60% clip) and I quickly realized this game was over before it had begun.  All I could do was picture my boss’ face as he questioned whether I was drunk when I said the Storm could make a deep run this year.  (No, never on the job.)  But apparently I was drunk on Wednesday when I penciled in Steve Lavin’s squad to reach the Final Four.  The tale of the tape tonight was rebounding.  The overzealous Johnnies were so out-of-place on D that it led to a -23 rebounding margin.  Not a snowball’s chance in hell.  Boys it was great to see you here, but please don’t take another 11 agonizing years to make it back again.

MARCH MADNESS DAY 1: A Running Diary

Simmons doesn’t have this copyrighted right? RIGHT?!

3:22 – Wake up to a text from my editor saying he thinks someone should be posting something about the NCAA tournament, preferably something about St. Johns and Ron Artest. Reply with “How bout I post a running diary.” His response, “The games started almost two hours ago, but sure whatever.” And it begins.

3:30 – Holy shit he wasn’t lying. 4 games already happened and 2 have just started. One of my favorites to make it to the Elite 8 goes through, Western Virginia. I have a friend who went to college there, so I pick them usually cause he’s a pretty good guy. Did I mention I know nothing about college basketball?

3:50 – Old Dominion, another team I had through the first round loses to Butler. I usually pick Old Dominion because they seem like a Star Wars faction. “But Anakin, the Jedi of the Old Dominion of Coruscant will never approve of your idea.” Fucking Obi-wan, have some faith.

3:55 – Temple and Moorehead are the other two teams that advanced so far. Pretty sure I had Morehead upsetting Louisville. ::Checks bracket:: Pretty sure my memory is shot.

4:00 – Take a shower.

4:13 – If there are people out there who shower without using conditioner, I don’t want to know them. And if you use the 2-in-1 bottles, you’re a fascist.

4:20 – At the half Kentucky-Princeton is tight, and Pittsburgh is leading UNCA by 5. Wow, I hope UNCA can keep it interesting in the 2nd half ::hand wanking motion::.

4:25I’m 1 for 4 so far in my bracket, even had Penn State going to the third round. That’s right, I know a few kids who went there too. Keep that in mind as you read this and say “Does he even like college basketball?”

4:30Princeton makes a surge, up by a few 3 minutes into the second. Man, I hope these Princeton kids win a game or two. They have it so rough.

4:37 – Just got the feed of the Kentucky/Princeton game on my laptop. I know, you could hardly tell I wasn’t even watching the games before.

4:43 – Kentucky takes advantage of a few mistakes by the Princeton Prince’s (that’s the team right?) and goes up by 1.

4:44 – Maybe it’s just me, but the way I remember basketball when I was a kid was that there was only two people on the court for each team at one time, and the ball was almost always engulfed in flames. Bill Clinton was there a lot, too.

4:47 – As this Kentucky/Princes game stays tight, the audio is switching to the San Diego/North Colorado game. Like any good, red blooded American male, I’m betting on this tourney, and I’ve got North Colorado.

4:52 – North Colorado Bears (their mascot is named “Klawz,” so I’m in) are keeping up with San Diego. 14 points baby. Just don’t lose by 14.

4:58 – Checking in on the other games, Pitt is up by 10 and Kentucky by 4. Klawz is lovin’ the effort so far, as the Bears are hanging with San Diego, down 1. That’s right, I’ve got 3 different college bball games streaming on my computer. If someone walked in on me right now, I’d feel like they caught me masturbating. “No, wait, it’s not what you think. It’s just research. IT’S JUST RESEARCH!”

5:03 – with under a minute left, I’m switching the audio to see if Princeton can upset Kentucky. Don’t take it personally, Klawz.


5:06 – Princeton ties it with .34 left in the second. I’m starting to get excited. I’m going to go put a soccer jersey on.

5:08 – Kentucky up 2 with two seconds left!

5:10 – Maybe next year Princeton. And remember graduating seniors, there’s still that 100K+ entry level position at your Dad’s friends firm this summer to look forward to. It’s not NCAA glory, but it’s something.

5:13 – That’s Kentucky through, and baring an upset, Pittsburgh too. That makes me 2-6. Meanwhile the Bears are roping me in, tied at 20 with five minutes in the first.

5:17 – I don’t care how much Coke wants to market it it, Coke Zero most resembles the taste of Coke Black, which tasted like ass.

5:20 – San Diego starting to run away with it. ::checking for beer::

5:27 – give me a few minutes, figuring out how to do all this from my iTouch. I got shit to do today. Well, beers to drink at least.

5:31 – well look who figured it out. Meanwhile the Bears head into halftime down 6, and Vandy goes in up 3. Pitt is runnin’ the floor with UNCA, which I’ll be honest is a term I never quite understood.

5:40 – it’s an away Celtic jersey, btw. Green with black, #29 Maloney on the back.

5:54 – Big three by Northern Colorado. First points 2 minutes into the second half. San Diego answers after they missed 11 consecutive tries. Holy shit 11? I thought they always hit buckets.

5:57 – Bears down by 3 with 15 left and I’m signing off for now. If I can grab internet at the bar, I will. I implore my colleagues on this site to either add to this, start their own, or ignore me. The choice is yours. HAPPY ST. PATRICKS DAY!!

7:00- that does it for North Colorado, losing by 18 to San Diego. One team left in my pool. Brightside is 2 or 3 more beers and I won’t care. Expect updates from the bar. Whether I actually do it..

7:36 – Guiness in hand, Jimmer vs. Wofford on TV. I’m back baby

7:44 – Down three to Wofford, pretty sure all Jimmer can think about is how much sex with his gf he isn’t going to have after this game

7:54 –this bar serves it’s Guiness in plastic, but the door man has a tux on. Call it a draw. Uconn is killin it. Surprisingly strong UConn crowd at the bar. Man, it must be awesome to root for a team whose college you didn’t attend.

8:11 – Love drunk girls in the bar shouting for UConn to “keep it up, almost there” with 3 minutes left in the first. Stay classy, ladies.

8:19 –It’s amazing how many teams are names after bears. Gay men over 40 must love it.

8:25 –I don’t trust people who drink hard cider. Especially at a bar. They have beer on tap what are you doing??? BTW thanks for showing up, UC Santa Barbara

8:32 –Oh no! A rogue fan just jumped onto the court in a white jersey. Oh sorry, that’s just the one black guy who plays for BYU.

8:59 –UConn is that guy at the party who passes out by the third hour, or as I like to call him, Connor. Seriously you are playing Bucknell, rest some guys you don’t need to score 90 every game. We get it, you are ready for the NBA.

9:08 –Going to be probably 100 babies named Jimmer this year. Don’t worry you won’t meet any of them. They’ll be mormon.

9:19 –taking a piss with one hand should be in the olympics. And I mean from the minute you unzip to drying off.

9:38 –beer number 5 w/o dinner and I’m signing off. Stay tuned to the website and follow me on twiiter @joeyauger. Oh yeah and rock, chalk, jayhawk.

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