90 on 95

Sports, rumors, and humor from the Ben Franklin to the George Washington

Category Archives: NBA

LeBron James: NFL Expert

Found Jesus. Scored this sweet swag.

Tim Tebow, former University of Florida quarterback and current Jesus fan boy, is battling (for lack of a better word) Kyle Orton for the Denver Broncos starting QB gig. On Wednesday, Merril Hoge jumped on SportsCenter to discuss the progress made by Tebow during the offseason.

“He is awful as far as accuracy goes and what’s kind of even more disturbing, he’s probably worse moving and running around with the football and throwing than he is from the pocket,” Hoge said. “Can you get better there? A little bit. If everything is perfect, the pocket, your feet are good, all your fundamentals come into place, the coverage is what you want it, you can be successful. But that doesn’t happen at the National Football League. Rarely does that happen.” (via)

Damn Merril, tell us how you really feel. “And have you seen the way he parks a car? I swear, if you saw him parallel park you’d think he had a vagina.”

Now, Merril Hoge isn’t just some crotchety old guy spouting nonsense on the Monolith ::cough cough:: Dick Vitale::cough::, but rather a former Steeler back with 8 years of experience in the NFL. So the guy knows what he’s talking about. Now a lot of people were surprised when the Broncos made Tebow the 25th overall pick in the draft, a few rounds higher than most predicted. It shouldn’t be that big of a deal when an NFL veteran-turned-analyst critiques a quarterback who seems to be overrated. And yet…

Enter: Lebron James.

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Go Back to Sleep Grandpa

Smells like victory. And menthol cigarettes.

I used to watch this show “Tales of the Crypt Keeper”, on HBO, when I was younger. Not so much for the stories themselves. They were pretty corny and usually campy in an over-the-top sort of way. What was really scary was the main guy, the Crypt Keeper. He was creepy, but not  “boo I’m going to get you!” creepy, more “come sit on your uncles lap and we’ll watch wrestling” sort of way. What I’m trying to say is I wouldn’t be surprised if Pat Riley has looked at kiddie porn.

With the disappointment still lingering from Miami’s loss to the Dallas Mavericks in the NBA Finals, Heat president Pat Riley took his first public steps Tuesday toward regrouping for another title run next season.

“I can say this,” Riley said in his postseason meeting with the media, “we will be a multiple championship-contending team. This was a great year. It was a disappointing ending.” (via ESPN)

And this dude lost a series to Houston in 1994 after being up 3-2. Luckily the Pat knows he’s better kept in the coffin.

Riley quickly ended any speculation that he would entertain a return to the bench to coach the Heat in the future.

Erik Spoelstra will return for his fourth season as coach, which is believed to be the final year on his contract. But Riley said there has been no discussions about a long-term extension for Spoelstra.

Unless Spoelstra legally changes his name to “Phil Jackson”, that is.

More absurd ramblings from a senile old man, and Pat Riley + an appearance from Dennis Rodman, after the jump.


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Aw, He Thinks He’s People

Holy shit, when did the Dallas Mavericks draft and sign the actor who played Sloth in “Goonies.”(Terribly overrated film.) No but seriously, I haven’t seen a German sing so poorly since “Springtime for Hitler.” I don’t know who the doctor is that keeps prescribing Dirk his pain pills, but I think it’s safe to say the pain has subsided.

Sincerness, after the jump.

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The Night the good guys Won

"God Damn ima make it rain Deutsche Marks tonight"

The NBA finals for me have been nothing more than a reason drink to beer and complain about how the NBA sucks in recent years.  I had no interest in rooting for either the Lakers or the Celtics.  Both teams possess fan bases that literally make me cringe thinking about them.  While both extremely dedicated and full of personality, I find it hard not to gag when thinking about each respective fan bases’ smug attitude towards the basketball world.  Being a fan of all things Philadelphia (especially throwing snowballs at Santa Claus), I can truly say that my interest in basketball hinged on the success of my local franchise.  Growing up i was treated to some of the most groundbreaking basketball the world has ever seen.  Allen Iverson took the NBA by storm with his “I don’t give a F*&K” attitude that rubbed off (or rubbed the wrong way) everyone around him.  If Michael Jordan was the hero of the 90’s, AI was definitely the anti-hero of the 00’s.  The way he barked at Referees, drove aimlessly to the rim without regard for his body, and swagger that may never be matched, made me a fan of basketball.  He singlehandedly brought the Sixers to the Finals in 2001 and defeated a Shaq and Kobe led Laker squad that hadn’t lost in the playoffs yet.  I didn’t realize it at the time, but that was probably my peak basketball watching experience of my life.  After that things went downhill pretty quickly for me.   I became more invested in the Eagles and Donovan McNabb (mistake) and kind of let my love of the game fall by the wayside.  That is until last night.

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Shut Your Face

I promise guys, I'll be using photoshop by the Fall.

My hatred of Lebron goes deep. Ever since he burst onto the scene in ’03 I’ve wished nothing but ill will upon him. I used to get into legit shouting matches with a good friend, just goading him with my hopes of Lebron never winning a championship. Now remember, I don’t care about basketball. It just seemed that the whole world was breathing out their nose on this guys junk, and I enjoy to stir the pot. Needless to say things were going swimmingly until this asshole took his talents to South Beach and made the Finals. Luckily, he shit the bed last night (8 points!) and now it looks like karma is to blame. Sweet, delicious karma. (via ESPN)

Blockquote, after the jump.
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Bye Shaq Daddy

I think everyone who writes for this blog has either died or is still intoxicated from the weekend. I’m coming out of my coma so here are my views/thoughts on the retirement of this great actor. I mean rapper. I mean comedian. KAZAAM!

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The Daily Drive – May 13th 2011

The Daily Drive is a daily (duh) post of all the prominent things going on in the sports world we didn’t cover, and anything else we might want to share with you. I haven’t done one of these in a while, but it’s like riding a bike, but I can’t ride a bike (true story, little embarrassing)

– Dan LeBatard went on a tremendous rant following the Heat eliminating the Celtics. Must Watch.

– San Jose Sharks won game 7 last night finalizing the NHL final four. Tampa Bay & San Jose are both high flying offensive teams while Boston & Vancouver rely on a defensive game. Both these series should be very entertaining and will result in a solid Stanley Cup Finals. My predictions? Boston in 6. San Jose in 7. More to come on these series soon.

– Take a trip down memory lane.

– The Yankees lost their 2nd straight game to the Royals, falling out of first place. Ian Nova got his titties ripped off by the offensive juggernaut of Kansas City and now they welcome Boston for the always fun Yanks-Sox rivarly. Between Nova’s struggles and Bartolo Colon’s doctor feeding him baby fetuses or whatever the hell that doctor was doing, the Yankee rotation continues to be a joke.

Another sexy celebrity on the market, after the jump. Read more of this post

Ain’t No Place I’d Rather Be

If I were to have told you last fall that there would be two teams from Tennessee playing past the first round of the playoffs, you would have said, “Well sure the Titans are good, but when did the Yankees move to Nashville?” Yet here we are, with the Nashville Predators and the Memphis Grizzlies both performing well above expectations. Both teams are beginning to supplant themselves as the top draw in the whiskey state. It’s these kind of playoff runs that build a special kind of relationship between the fan and the team. With cities on their backs, the Griz and the Predators (my new indie band) are doing what their owners and pundits have been anticipating: earn their stay.

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The Daily Drive – April 29th 2011

The Daily Drive is a daily (duh) post of all the prominent things going on in the sports world we didn’t cover, and anything else we might want to share with you.  Even my dream to someday get drafted by the Giants and have a bunch of crazy people with turbans come up onto the stage to celebrate with me.

– The NFL draft was last night. Here’s how the crowd greeted Roger Goodell.

– Another highlight was the fall of Mark Ingram. He was the top running back in the draft however slipped all the way 28th when the Saints traded up to draft him. This didn’t make Reggie Bush all that happy who tweeted this minutes after the pick was made:
…..It’s unclear if Reggie is talking about the New Orleans Hornets brief playoff run or him assuming his tenure with the Saints is over…I’ll go with latter on this one, classy Reggie.

– Reason 2,033,235 why the Phillies are awesome? You can get beers through twitter while at Citizens Bank Park.

– Bobba Fett. IHOP. People Fighting. Nice.

My thoughts on the Royal Wedding aka some hot pictures of Kate Middleton after the jump.

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Show Ya Luv

Lou after hitting the GW three

As Dwayne Wade’s three pointer fell short at the buzzer the Wells Fargo center went ballistic.  You’d think the Sixers had just beaten the Heat to move on to the NBA Championship.  But no the Sixers had just won game 4, simply avoiding a sweep.  So tonight the Sixers take their talents to South Beach for the all important game five.

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