90 on 95

Sports, rumors, and humor from the Ben Franklin to the George Washington

Category Archives: NHL Playoffs

B is for Bandwagon

The Fair-Weather Fans of Foul-Weathered Boston

The only Bruins jersey I'd ever seen before last week. Let em' have it Bob.

First off: I’d like to state for the record that both the NHL and NBA play-offs are entirely too long, rendering the regular season into a preposterously bloated waste of time. That said, I’d also like to get this off my chest: Fuck the Bruins.

For some ungodly reason—and to the dismay of all well-intentioned sports fans elsewhere—Boston sports have had an unprecedented string of good luck in the sporting domain over the past decade. While this recent success has served to inflate the average New Englander’s perverted sense of self-worth far beyond levels traditionally accepted by the decent, God-fearing majority, to the well-trained eye it fails to cover up the grimy truth:  Boston fans are about as loyal as a crack-whore at a roller derby.

Trust me.

Since when did the Bruins have an established fan base? Other than a few errant and poorly timed text messages last spring (before the Flyers proceeded to pull out one of the greatest comebacks in NHL play-off history), this spring season was the first I’ve really ever heard of the strange group of hockey playing ruffians known as the B’s.  Nobody so much as breathed their name during my four years of college.  Sure you got your standard alcoholics and unemployed street mongrels that constitute the majority of the NHL target demographic, but outside of that strange and sordid inner circle the Bruins were a non-entity. They were like a poor bastard wounded in battle and left to behind to die at the hands of a savage enemy. Unspoken of. But now that they’ve got the cup there are vendors on the streets selling puke colored jerseys so that woodworked multitudes can look good and stylish for Saturday’s victory parade. Suddenly it seems that everyone’s a fan.

And this should come as no surprise really, though it still justifies a generous degree of bitter derision. It must be pointed out that despite the delusional grandeur attribute to their beloved Celtics, the first Celtics jersey I ever saw during my time in Boston said ‘Garnett’ on the back. This is a city that either rooted tepidly for the Giants or didn’t much care about football until about a decade ago when that expansion team of theirs started winning games. And don’t let them fool you about the Red Sox either.  Though they may bemoan the hard-luck times of their junior league joke-squad, the fans are a bunch of day-gamers who usually bounce by the seventh inning.  Fenway’s more of a business-meeting destination than a ballpark—a boardroom for geriatrics and Jesus freaks. There’s no tailgating, no nitrous, and no Cadillac time.

So if the Boston beat’s got you down this week and you’re thinking about mindless destruction—I’m talking to you Vancouver—just remember sporting success is cyclical. As soon as their teams trend south those Boston fans will drift off once again into obscure oblivion. Until then we can only hope it rains on the gay parade tomorrow just like it did on the gay parade last Saturday.

Oh yeah, and that was a clean hit on Horton…he’s just a bitch.

The Daily Drive 6/15/2011

The Daily Drive is a daily (almost) post of all the prominent things going on in the sports world we didn’t cover, and anything else we might want to share with you.  Like why the Phillies offense finally is good again.  Rumor has it, Pedro Cerrano sacraficed a live chicken to wake up Jobu.


Andy Roddick you son of a bitch

First time doing the drive, so I thought I would start it off with a bang.  That is Brooklyn Decker.  She is incredibly hot.  Almost hot enough for me to spend 9 bucks on that shitty Adam Sandler movie.  ALMOST.


In NBA champion news, DeShawn Stevenson was arrested for public intoxication in Texas last night.  I know what your thinking:  Don’t you have to be intoxicated to want to live in Texas?  The answer is a resounding yes.

more Minka after the Jump

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One More Time

106. That’s how many games both the Vancouver Canucks and the Boston Bruins have played. When you think about it, they quickly become 106 meaningless games. An OT loss against the Philadelphia Flyers in December? Meaningless. A 4-2 win over the Colorado Avalanche in March? It still fucking stings, but it’s meaningless. Nothing that happened during the regular season, or second season, matters now if you don’t win tonight’s game. Hyperbole? Absolutely. True? You bet.

“Everything in the past is in the past,” Vancouver center Ryan Kesler said. “If we win tomorrow, we become legends.” (via ESPN)

And if you lose? You become forgotten. If you’re the Vancouver Canucks you become the third Vancouver team to make the Finals and lose, a franchise that has yet to win a Stanley Cup. If you are the Boston Bruins, you become the team that almost ended the drought, and 39 years becomes 40. That’s an ugly number.

That just managed to become even uglier.

My preview for tonight’s game, after the jump. Read more of this post

The Daily Drive 6/14/11

The Daily Drive is a daily (almost) post of all the prominent things going on in the sports world we didn’t cover, and anything else we might want to share with you.  But what we won’t be sharing is the reason why the creator of The Drive likes the random ass squad’s he reps….c’mon kid was a film major, he called watching “Lost” while packing the bong “homework”.

-Derek Jeter came up lame while running out a fly ball in the 5th inning against the Indians last night. A disabled list trip may be in the future.  Yankees went on to lose 1-0.  They will close out the 10 game home stand with 3 games against Texas, starting tonight.

-In case you missed it, the NFL Lockout is saving lives.

– Boston forced a game 7 last night, defeating Vancouver 5-2.  Daniel Sedin has come out and said they will win game 7.  Who knows, maybe he’s right.  I’m still baffled that the Swedes taught their twin goal-scoring lab rat creations to talk.

-Phillies were off yesterday, and start a three game set against Florida today.  In other boring National League news, the Mets lost to the Pirates 3-1.  I’d tell you who they were playing today, but I’m sure no one gives a shit.

Lebron’s new decision, more reasons to hate Boston, Mark Cuban partying, and God finally answering my prayers- after the jump.

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Take a seat, Rob.

Close your mouth, you look like a trout.

60 minutes. That’s how long Roberto Luongo had to be perfect for, and the Stanley Cup would be his. Not even perfect. OK. Alright. Kind of sort of not bad. Instead, Luongo lasted less than 4 minutes. (I feel sorry for his wife.) He got lit up three times by the Boston Bruins in 3:04 of play into the first period, and just like that, the Vancouver Canucks will be hosting the B’s for Game 7 on Wednesday night.

Block quote, after the jump. Read more of this post

Once a Scumbag, Always a Scumbag

Well I didn’t expect to be having such a great morning when I first woke up.  First off I had to work, and secondly the beers I had last night were apparently disagreeing with my brain.  But I made it here, fired up the Kuerig, turned on the Pandora and all seemed to be coming together.  Then I saw it.  Something that made me smile ear to ear.  The scumbag that is Matthew Barnaby got arrested last night for an apparent domestic dispute, criminal trespassing, criminal mischief, harassment, criminal contempt, and aggravated harassment.  Now you may be asking yourself, “But Dan why would you be so happy at the misfortune of others?”

definition of "shit eating grin"

Let me elaborate.

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The Daily Drive – May 13th 2011

The Daily Drive is a daily (duh) post of all the prominent things going on in the sports world we didn’t cover, and anything else we might want to share with you. I haven’t done one of these in a while, but it’s like riding a bike, but I can’t ride a bike (true story, little embarrassing)

– Dan LeBatard went on a tremendous rant following the Heat eliminating the Celtics. Must Watch.

– San Jose Sharks won game 7 last night finalizing the NHL final four. Tampa Bay & San Jose are both high flying offensive teams while Boston & Vancouver rely on a defensive game. Both these series should be very entertaining and will result in a solid Stanley Cup Finals. My predictions? Boston in 6. San Jose in 7. More to come on these series soon.

– Take a trip down memory lane.

– The Yankees lost their 2nd straight game to the Royals, falling out of first place. Ian Nova got his titties ripped off by the offensive juggernaut of Kansas City and now they welcome Boston for the always fun Yanks-Sox rivarly. Between Nova’s struggles and Bartolo Colon’s doctor feeding him baby fetuses or whatever the hell that doctor was doing, the Yankee rotation continues to be a joke.

Another sexy celebrity on the market, after the jump. Read more of this post

On the Brink

Now Starting in goal for your Philadelphia Flyers......

Well here we are again sports fans, down 0-3 to the Boston Bruins.  I’d like to say that last years run to come all the way back instilled confidence in the me and the team that they could do it again.  But in reality all last year gave me was an ulcer.  Between watching the Phillies struggle to score runs and the Flyers constantly “having to go to the well” (Lavs said it, so I write it) definitely gave me some gray hairs and acid indigestion.  Our goaltending situation is an absolute joke, and if I have to read one more story about how courageous Brian Boucher is after being pulled and then being reinserted into the starting lineup I’m going to puke.  I would be more comfortable with 70 year old Bernie Parent out there with his one goddamn eye.  We don’t have the heart and soul of our team playing (Pronger), and we looked so flat in game three that I couldn’t bear to watch the third period.  So we are one step away from becoming a baseball only town for the rest of the summer which is very discouraging considering the high hopes myself and the rest of the Phans had in store for them.  Last years run through the playoffs was about as magical as you can get, given the fact that Michael Leighton seemingly came back to earth faster than Apollo 13.  I could have almost envisioned the Stanley Cup coming down Broad Street on a float with Phish playing a celebratory concert at the site of the old spectrum (yes I fantasize about things like this daily).  Twas not to be though, we were left looking at the Douche Patrol that is the Chicago Blackhawks celebrate on our home ice.  While we are not without hope, we are running low.  I will not be watching the game tonight.  I honestly cannot bear too.  I will be attending the Dark Star Orchestra at the Electric Factory to help take my mind off it.  So if you see a tall drunken asshole yelling obscenities about goal tending; that will be me.  Come up and say hi and we will talk about how the “New” fake Jerry, isn’t as good as the “Old” fake Jerry.

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