90 on 95

Sports, rumors, and humor from the Ben Franklin to the George Washington

Tag Archives: Miami Dolphins

Peyton Manning


Please baby Jesus make it happen. Dick exploding? That would ben an understatement Joseph Auger. I love football, but the Dolphins absolutely sucking the past 10 years has made me say, “fuck you football”. Of course I love gambling on it and fantasy football but the actual rooting for a team part of it? Eh. However, that lovely young (by that I mean old as hell) gentlemen in the blue up there would instantly make me fall in love with the Dolphins again. Does it matter that his neck has potential to explode at any point???? Of course not it’s Peyton Fucking Manning! Let’s look at who has played quarterback for the Dolphins since the great #13 retired. Warning: You will probably not remember any of these people because every single one of them ABSOLUTELY SUCKED when on the Dolphins.

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NFL Picks: Week 9


Is football almost over? My team sucks. I suck at picking. My fantasy teams? Yup they all fucking suck. In my eyes football is dead to me. I’m just going to start betting a lot, losing a lot, and hating football even more. Here’s the worst picks you’ll see all week.

Week 8
Straight up: 9-4
Spread: 6-7

Season
Straight up: 82-34
Spread: 57-53-7

San Francisco (-3.5) Washington

Can San Francisco play a real team? Every week I want to bet against them, but they keep getting to play shitty teams. Granted they did beat the Lions and Eagles, but besides that it has been easy west coasting for the Niners. But wait this week they are facing John Beck! John Beck is a stud! Can I fly to Vegas and bet a bagillion dollars that he throws under 1.5 TD’s? 49ers 36 Redskins 13

NY Jets (+2) Buffalo

Love the Jets here. Wait, did I really just say that? Once again, fuck you football. Jets 20 Bills 17

Seattle (+11.5) Dallas

I thought the Cowboys were going to win last week……hahahahahhaaha. If they fuck this one up they are on the infamous “I’ll never pick them again” list. Cowboys 23 Seahawks 7

Miami (+4) Kansas City

Tremendous #suckforluck effort last week boys. Keep it up. Chiefs 27 Dolphins 10

Tampa Bay (+8.5) New Orleans

Well New Orleans I didn’t know Steven Jackson was going to go all SJax circa a couple years ago on you guys. Back when he was on my fantasy team like 3 years ago I also thought he looked/played like this man from Lord of the Rings.

I thought that man was dead, but he reappeared against the Saints and made me feel like a retard. Thanks Orc. Saints 24 Bucs 13

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Henne and Tebow are Both Babies


Wahhhh

So since the beginning of this off-season, which has only been a week, there have been many rumors involving Kyle Orton. If he’s going to be traded to the Dolphins, if he’s staying in Denver, if he’s going to start or if that scrub Tim Tebow was going to be the “Quarterback of the Future” for the Denver Broncos. There has also been a lot of rumors about Chad Henne. Miami Dolphins fans want him gone. He has not proven anything with the team so far even after they added Brandon Marshall. Last year at this time I was scared because I figured adding Brandon Marshall would help out the Dolphins tremendously in their passing game because he catches everything. This year I am happy that the Dolphins are keeping Henne at starting QB because it makes Brandon Marshall a non-factor in the passing game.

This also makes every Miami Dolphins fan squirm. This past Wednesday the Dolphins decided to have an open practice at Pro Player Orange Bowl Dolphin Land Shark Sun-Life Stadium (seriously how many times do you have to change the name of your stadium) as a “goodwill” gesture to the fans for the NFL Lockout. And the fans made sure that their voices were heard. After a few errant passes by Henne the Fins Faithful started booing and chanting “We want Orton.” This didn’t sit well with Henne.

“I’m human,” he told the South Florida Sun-Sentinel. “Deep down inside it does hurt.”

No Chad, you know what hurts, and I know this because I’ve been a Jets fan my whole life, watching the team that you support only make the playoffs once since 2001 (I’ve been lucky recently with the Jets but please do not mention the Kotite era to me or I might go postal). You’ve been with the team for three years already and have a career 27 TD’s and 33 INT’s, I think the Dolphins Fans should be a little mad since they have not had a solid QB since Dan Marino (I still see that fake spike in my nightmares every night).

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The Royal Wedding!


I am just soooo excited about the Royal Wedding that I had to write about it as soon as possible.  Did you see Kate’s dress? Unbelievable. So traditional/elegant and she just looked stunning in it!  And Prince Charming (oops!) I mean William well wow he just looked dazzling in that red suit he was wearing.  Wait a minute I don’t have a va-jay-jay and do not care about some stupid goddamn wedding going on in another country.  Lets move on with our lives people (I should say women, or at least 99% women and 1% other).  There are more important things then watching two people you know absolutely nothing about get married.  Like the first round of the NFL draft of course!

Best Wedding Picture Ever

Breakdown of the Giants/Jets/Eagles/Dolphins (Yes I like the Dolphins so I’ll include them) first round picks after the jump.

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