90 on 95

Sports, rumors, and humor from the Ben Franklin to the George Washington

Tag Archives: New York Rangers

Monday Power Rankings

Great week of sports we just had guys. Chelsea FC doing the unthinkable, plenty of upsets in the charity tournament for the brain-destroying spring-centric disease, March Madness, and lot’s of hockey.

1. Semyon Varlamov

Lights out. That’s the best way to describe the play of Ninja Spider. 41 saves on St. Patricks Day at MSG? Unbelievable.  I was at that game and holy wow, some of those saves were mind bottling. Kid’s gotta whole lotta glove.

2. Walking Dead/East Bound and Down

I’ve been behind on the Walking Dead, pretty much since the end of the first half of the second season (ouch my head) when Rick shot that zombie kid. But apparently this second half has been balls and people are dying and zombies are eating brains and people are finding out clues about this whole infection. I don’t know, it’s just things started to get a little ridiculous, with plot holes (HOW DID SHANE AND THAT FAT GUY GET INTO THE SCHOOL!?!? DON’T GIVE ME A GOD DAMN JUMP CUT!) and the black guy is still called “T-Bone.” Then people go off and say “But no, this last episode, SAMURAI WIELDING ZOMBIE ASSASSIN!” Oh and here I was all worried that the series was getting too incredulous. Also, isn’t everyone a zombie assassin during the zombie apocalypse? I digress

What isn’t ridiculous is this season of East Bound and Down. From having hands down the best cold opens in television to the break through performance of Stevie Jankowski, this show is really having a strong final season. I hated seeing Shane go, but the reveal of a twin brother was classic stuff. I just really hope we get some Andy Daly back before series end. Also, Lily Tomlin is perfect for Kenny Powers mom.

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Sports Day, USA

This week has crazy potential for myself. Sort of like the New York Giants rolling into the playoffs, I’m firing on all cylinders. I had a gross week at work making money (I bartend, so I don’t actually make money. It would be dope to work at a Minting station.. Minting factory? I don’t know, to literally make money), and now I get to enjoy my two days off filled with sports sports SPORTS! This week will significantly decide the next month and a half of sports for myself, and whether you get Joe the Positive, Insightful Blogger, or Joe the Pessimistic, Downtrodden Blogger.

One Joe's medication is another Joe's celebration

It all starts today at 2:55 PM as my beloved Chelsea Blues take on Napoli in the second round of the the Champions League. It’s been a whirlwind season for the Blues, and as of right now they won’t qualify for the Tournament of Tournaments next year if they don’t pick up the points in their regular season, so today could be the last time they take on European competition for over a year. Napoli holds a 3-1 aggregate edge, but the Blues secured that all important away goal, so a 2-0 win at home and the good guys are on to the round of 8. If anyone in Fairfield County is reading this and lucky enough to have today off, I’ll be a Brennan’s Shebeen in Bridgeport, I’ll buy you a round.

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It’s Time To Do Away With The Winter Classic

Yup, you read that right. I, daftpuck, lover of all things hockey and to a lesser extent, Canadian, have officially moved past the Winter Classic and would like to see the NHL scrap the idea for a least a season or two. The Winter Classic does a lot of things right and the NHL and Gary Bettman should be commended for all the work they’ve done to promote the game and reach a new audience. Unfortunately, everything that is good about the Winter Classic ends once the puck drops. Yes, the game puts the league back in the spotlight, with HBO’s 24/7 (which is amazing and there is no reason that that show cannot continue using some other gimmick as it’s central conflict) allowing fans to see their teams like never before and NBC’s complete overhaul of the Versus network that took place on the day of the Winter Classic. All the hype is fantastic, and you will surely read a few articles today proclaiming success for the NHL, in terms of ratings and advertisers and shares and what have yous. What you won’t read is that the game was fucking boring.

You can read that article, after the jump. Read more of this post

Thursday Power Rankings

I’m back from my vacation, so here are the top things going on in the world, RIGHT NOW!

1. Kris Humphries

You have probably heard by now that Kris and Kim Kardashian are getting a divorce. Much hoopla is being made over the fact that Kim made money off the whole wedding thing, to the tune of nearly 18 million dollars. But let’s take a minute and think about how this effects Kris. By California law, when you divorce, everything gets split 50/50, so Kris is going to make some cash when this is all over, a la Kevin Federline. Let’s remember that the NBA is in a lockout, so Mr. Humphries wasn’t going to be making any money this year. So now, not only did he get to have sex with Kim before she got fat, he also got paid to do it. Seriously, she will be gross in 5 years. Three years ago you would have killed for that ass, and in a few years that ass will literally kill small children who aren’t fast enough to escape her looming shadow. (Also I’m not researching anything that has to do with Kim Kardashian or Kris Humphries, so none of this may be true.)

2. Theo Epstein

Gotta admit this dude is probably living the life right now. Yesterday he fired the Cubs manager and there is already rumors that Terry Francona may get the new job. If Theo Epstein can even get the Cubs into the playoffs in the next few years this can be considered a success. Hate him or loathe him, you can’t say that Epstein hasn’t had an enviable career. Two World Series titles in Boston, where he literally changed how they looked at baseball (woe is me turned into wicked AL contender), and now he has the potential to do that to another winning starved market. Oh and he’s not even 40.

3. Mayweather vs. Pacquio

This fight may finally be happening. As an aside, I was recently on a cruise to Bermuda, and about 75% of the staff was Phillipino. I ended up talking to this bartender at the whiskey bar, and we chatted about boxing for a good while. It’s amazing how much they love Manny Pacquio out there. The only equivalent would be if we could somehow morph Barack Obama, Derek Jeter, and Leonardo Dicaprio together. Or maybe Tom Hanks. A young Tom Hanks. Or Clooney.

ScarJo, lounge music, and Sean Avery, after the jump Read more of this post

NHL 2011-12 Season Preview (EASTERN CONFERENCE)

Before we get down to the nitty gritty, I probably owe you guys some sort of apology. I sort of went AWOL after entry four in my “So You’ve Decided to Buy a New Jersey” and found myself lacking the creative drive to keep blogging. It didn’t help that baseball is probably more boring than deciding which kind of milk to buy, and Papa Bear has a strict “No Soccer Posts” rule. So for a month I found myself wandering around the internet aimlessly, lost in it’s sea of cat videos and nipple slips. But like a Phoenix, all I needed was a little fire to kick start this engine. Papa Bear figured out how to use his twitter (effectively), Captain Dan started texting me all of Jaromir Jagr’s recent moves that I fear he may actually be stalking the Czech Native, and TimmyP and myself started battling in NHL12 (one word review: fuckingawesome) that I found myself wanting to get back on that horse and start blogging. Oh and Papa Bear sent me a text that if I don’t write anything soon he’s going to kick me off the payroll (McDonalds coupons.) And hockey’s back guys. HOCKEY!

Team previews, playoff predictions, and players to watch, after the jump.

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Sean Avery Beat Up a Cop. (Not Really)

"Which makes me look like more of a douche, the jersey or the glasses?"

August is by far the worst month to be a hockey fan. (Unless you’re an Islanders fan, where every month sucks.) Free agency has pretty much died down and most of  the signings are either arbitration hearings or bargain pick ups. We still have a little over a month before most training camps open and the preseason starts in mid-September. So for a hockey story to break the news, or even appear on the Monolith, it’s going to have to be something eye-catching. And nothing screams “eye-catching” more than a story with Sean Avery and a police altercation.

Rangers forward Sean Avery was arrested in Los Angeles around 1 a.m. on Friday on a misdemeanor charge of battery on a police officer, the Los Angeles Police Department said.

The Los Angeles Times said Avery, 31, argued with the police officers before pushing one and slamming the door. Following the confrontation, additional officers were called to the home and Avery was taken into custody, the newspaper reported. TMZ said Avery was held overnight, with bail set at $20,000. (via)

When asked for comment, resident Rags fan Papa Bear was quoted as saying, “Shut up Joe, hockey sucks.”

While it may comes as a surprise to some, Sean Avery is not that much of a wild soul. Most of the shit he gets hate for is the nauseating way he acts on the ice (and in the locker room.) For the most part, off the ice Avery is sort of an upstanding citizen in the NHL world. He isn’t out drinking and punching cabbies (Patrick Kane). He isn’t telling a live television audience that even though he’s 19 he was drunk on vodka last night (Matt Duchene). He isn’t assaulting his ex-wife and tarnishing the name of my own personal Goddess, Michelle Beadle (Matt Barnaby). Fun fact, I love all three of those players.

No Sean Avery is not that bad of a guy sans ice, just doing normal hockey player stuff, like interning at Vogue. Hell he came out a few months ago and down right supported homosexuals in hockey. If hockey can say “hey you’re gay but it’s cool” they can open themselves up to a whole new market, and can become the model sports league for the next few decades. If you don’t think that’s a big deal, you’re name is probably Kobe Bryant.

A JJA rant, after the jump. Read more of this post

Return of the Mullet

It's like if an 80's haircut got raped, and decided to keep the kid.

At 39 years old, Jaromir Jagr is contemplating a comeback. The right winger out of Czechoslovakia hasn’t played in the NHL since his New York Rangers bowed out to the Pittsburgh Penguins in the second round of the 2008 Stanley Cup playoffs. Dude’s been killing it over in the KHL (Russian super-league) and got a big head about himself after the most recent World Championships tournament in May. Trim my mullet, Pittsburgh Tribune-Review:

Jaromir Jagr has approached the Penguins about resuming his hockey career with his original NHL franchise, multiple sources confirmed to the Tribune-Review on Monday.

Jagr’s new agent, former player Petr Svoboda, contacted Penguins general manager Ray Shero over the weekend to express his client’s intent to play again in the NHL after a three-year stint in the Kontinental Hockey League.

(via Pittsburgh Tribune-Review)

At a year shy of 40, Jagr certainly won’t be the oldest player in the league. Nicklas Lidstrom will return for his 20th season next year, when he will turn 42 during the season. Mark Recchi was absolutely a factor for the Boston Bruins Stanley Cup run at the ripe age of 43. Why Pittsburgh would be interested in him (or any team that doesn’t need to sell tickets) is beyond me. I mean, I know we’ve been saying Crosby needs a winger, but maybe not the same one who played with Mario Lemieux two decades ago. Luckily, for Pittsburgh, Jaromir has made himself a list.

Potential teams, after the jump.

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The Daily Drive – 6/17/2011

The Daily Drive is a daily (almost) post of all the prominent things going on in the sports world we didn’t cover, and anything else we might want to share with you. Where we would like to promise we will never tweet you a picture of our privates. Unless of course you ask. Or, you know, you’re smokin’ hot.

-INTERLEAGUE PLAY! The Philadelphia Phillies visit the Seattle Mariners this weekend, as TimmyP previews. The New York Yankees are visiting the Chicago Cubs, where they are currently losing 3-0 in the 8th. To the Cubs. I cannot stress that enough. As always, for a full recap of that game which should be over by the time this is posted, turn on a TV.

-You know it’s sad when a team as storied as the Cubs are having such an abysmal season that the Yankees visiting for meaningless interleague play is a hot story. Meanwhile, SIGN STEALING GATE! 2011! Both Andruw Jones and Mark Teixeira both deny they were stealing signs. Oh they denied it? Surely it must not have happened then.

-JC Romero, always a class act.

-Rory McIlroy killed it again on the links today. This is going to make his inevitable Sunday collapse even better.

Chris Drury update, Osi apologizes and Erin Heatherton is a person, after the jump Read more of this post

Old Man and the C

Chris Drury, the captain of the New York Rangers since 2008, will reportedly have the final year of his contract bought out by the club today. While I usually only comment on the Rags and Flyguys as part of my commitment to the blog and hockey, this one actually hits a little close to home.  I was lucky enough to attend the same high school as Drury, and my junior year history teacher was actually one of his line mates when they played puck together at Fairfield Prep (What’s up, Mr. Mauritz!). Drury was one of my favorite players on the 2001 Stanley Cup champion Colorado Avalanche squad and the fact that the Avs traded him in ’03 is still something that makes me cringe. That and the fact that neither Derek Morris, Jeff Shantz, or that other bum play for the Avs or even did anything successful while rocking the “A”.

Holding. Back. Tears

While this certainly isn’t the end of Chris’ career, it is clear that it is turning in a new direction. He is no longer the young, speedy center he was back when he was scoring clutch OT goals for the Avs and the Sabres. He’s lost a step sure, but with experience comes age. Any team would be lucky to have him as a third line center and he certainly would add the type of depth and leadership a Stanley Cup contender needs (Washington?).  He never quite gelled in New York, but I blame that more on the mismatched way Glen Sather puts together a roster than his lack of competitiveness. Chris reminds me of Steve Yzerman, in the regard that when he became older he traded his dazzling skill for confident leadership. Look for a team to scoop up Chris to a comfortable and cheap 2 year contract in the coming months. I’d love for it to be with the Avs, but with their depth at center (currently 3 studs deep, with 1 in the minors and who knows what the draft holds) I don’t see that as a possibility. But god damn would I love it if he came back. As always, my favorite Chris Drury moment.

(NOTE: You have to fast forward about 2 minutes into the clip for Drury’s moment, or you can watch the whole thing while longing for the old day like myself.)




Playoff Ruminations

Just some playoff thoughts I’ve been having…

New York Rangers = New York Knicks

Just like their hardwood counterparts, the New York Rangers are showing their true colors. While the New York Knicks problems seem to be stemming from one source (Re: Anthony, Carmelo.), the Rags are choking as a team. When you really think about it, there is no reason the Rangers shouldn’t be up 3-1 in this series. The Game 1 OT loss was the result of a poor  defensive breakdown. The result of Game 4 was just downright ugly. Forget how super star Marian Gaborik and super star Henrik Lundqvist managed to pull a move out of a “Three Stooges” episode (my vote for Larry is of course, Sean Avery) on the game winning goal. The fact that the Capitals were allowed back into a game, a game where they saw a one-goal deficit turn into three in 7 seconds.  A game where the crowd was absolutely electric. Instead of turtling and taking it on the chin, returning home to a best of 3 series with the advantage, the Capitals showed something about themselves we had been waiting for years for them to reveal. With that fire, they made it clear they weren’t going to falter again in the first round. I don’t see the Rags having a chance in Game 5.

The Big Red Machine rolls on

Just another first-round win for the most consistent team in hockey. Just like the Atlanta Braves of the last two decades, it seems like every year I think this team is going to have a bad season, that their age and unwillingness to overhaul a roster would bite them in the ass. And every year I’m wrong. Sure, they didn’t have much of an opponent in Phoenix, but it’s just in typical Detroit fashion to have an easy round. The Red Wings next opponent will be either the Ducks, the Preds, or the Sharks. The only team that scares me there is the Sharks, and even then I think this Detroit team is Western Finals bound. If any team is going to upset Vancouver, it’s this team.

Ryan Miller, TV contract, and the Fish after the jump. Read more of this post

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