90 on 95

Sports, rumors, and humor from the Ben Franklin to the George Washington

Tag Archives: NFL Picks

NFL Picks: Divisional Round


Last Week: 2-2

Sooooooooo here’s all you need to know from the first round of the playoffs………the Falcons suck, the Texans-Bengals game was the most boring game I’ve ever seen (until the National Championship game of course), the Saints enjoy scoring as many points as possible and the most important thing, Tim Tebow is in fact Jesus Christ himself.

New Orleans (-3.5) San Francisco

When the lines first came out this week I looked at this one said haha Saints and moved on. Then I started to look into it a little bit more.  A lot of things point to the 49ers in this one. They play good defense, manage games well, and most importantly get to play the Saints at home. If this game was in New Orleans the Saints would be 8, maybe 9 point favorites. Take the Saints out of the SuperDome, I mean Mercedes-Benz Superdome or whatever the hell they are calling it and they are a very, very different team. The Saints went 5-3 on the road this year including loses to the Rams and Bucs, two of the worst teams in the league. The 49ers meanwhile went 7-1 at home losing only a heartbreaker to the Cowboys all the way back in week 2.

I doubt anyone read all that (I know we have been out of college a while so I wouldn’t expect anyone to be able to read more than 2 sentences anymore) but I’ve kind of managed to talk myself into the Niners. The Saints are realllllllllly good but on the road they scare me. Sure Alex Smith is playing QB and sure they have a rookie head coach, but I think their defense will step up and control the pass happy Saints.

I meant to somehow incorporate this picture...It's just too good.

49ers 23 Saints 20

Rest of my picks after the jump

Read more of this post

Advertisements

Special Edition Wild Card NFL Playoff Picks


I only have to pick four games??!?!?!? That’s candy. What makes the playoffs even better is that I don’t need to write something for stupid games like the Rams-Seahawks.

Sadly, my favorite team to make fun of isn’t in the playoffs. What happened NY Jets?!?!?!?!? I thought this was the year that it allllll was going to click. Not so much. Granted, my Dolphins sucked. I get it. Haha make fun of Tim. But honestly not too many people were on the Dolphins Super Bowl bandwagon to begin with, me included.

The Jets were different. Going into this season a lottttttta people I know talked a lotttttttt of shit about how great the Jets were going to be this season. I just don’t get why they did….Let’s recap this team:

This man is your head coach:

Wait no, that’s a Star Wars character.

Oh, there’s sexy Rexy. He’s really good at talking shit, and then not backing it up.

As I said ALL SEASON. THIS MAN IS YOUR QUARTERBACK:

And this is your “star” wide receiver who quit on your team midway through their most important game of the season.

Oh Jets fans. I love how miserable you all must feel right now. Your team has successfully reached complete implosion level. Congrats!

Read more of this post

NFL Picks: Week 16


Who the fuck plays football on Christmas Eve. I forgot that all the games were on Saturday so these are super quickies.

Last Week
Spread: 9-6-1
Straight up: 11-5

Season
Spread: 111-103-10
Straight up: 150-74

Houston (-5.5) Indianapolis

Texans 21 Colts 18

Miami (+9) New England

They fucked up the #suckforluck. The #suckforBarkley doesn’t exist until next year….Guess we are on to #suckforanaveragelinemen/saftey. Oh well. Pats 35 Dolphins 24

Cleveland (+12) Baltimore

Hi Ray Rice. Ravens 24 Browns 10

Arizona (+4.5) Cincinnati

Bengals 17 Cardinals 14

Minnesota (+7) Washington

I want to take Minnesota just so I can tell Matt Lanouette fuck you, but he’ll advance in survivor. Redskins 23 Vikings 13

Denver (-3) Buffalo

Jesus gets born tomorrow. Is there any doubt what happens in this game?????? Broncos 23 Bills 14

St. Louis (+12.5) Pittsburgh

Who doesn’t lay points with Charlie Batch at the helm??????? Steelers 17 Rams 3

NY Giants (+3) NY Jets

Suck it New York your guaranteed a loss today, unless they tie which would be the gayest thing ever. Giants 23 Jets 17

Tampa Bay (+7.5) Carolina

If the Panthers lose I’ll murder myself #survivorpickissues. Panthers 31 Bucs 20

Jacksonville (+7) Tennessee

Titans 17 Jaguars 13

Oakland (+2.5) Kansas City

Classic letdown. Raiders 28 Chiefs 24

San Diego (+2) Detroit

They don’t lose in December!!!!! Chargers 31 Lions 26

Philadelphia (+1) Dallas

It continues. Eagles 28 Cowboys 27

San Francisco (-1) Seattle

49ers 23 Seahawks 14

Chicago (+11) Green Bay

Jesus day game! Packers 37 Bears 9

Altanta (+7) New Orleans

Day after Jesus day game! Saints 29 Falcons 20

NFL Picks: Week 15


Last Week
Straight up: 12-4
Spread: 9-7

Season
Straight up: 139-69
Spread: 102-97-9

Christmas season so these are gonna be quickies.

Jacksonville (+12.5) Atlanta

This game already happened so I have to get it right! For realsies I picked this one before the game. I promise. Scout’s honor. Falcons 31 Jags 14

Dallas (-7) Tampa Bay

Wait a tick. Tampa Bay just lost by 27 points to Jacksonville. Yes, Jacksonville. Cowboys 28 Bucs 16

Green Bay (-13.5) Kansas City

The Packers will go 16-0. Unless they get all gay and bench their starters. Which also will make Vegas/me implode. Packers 34 Chiefs 13

Carolina (+6) Houston

Come on. T.J. Yates cannot keep winning games. It defies everything I was brought up on. Panthers 24 Texans 21

Seattle (+3.5) Chicago

See above, replace Yates with Hanie. Seahawks 17 Bears 13

New Orleans (-7) Minnesota

Gayest picture of the 2011-12 NFL season award goes to…….

Saints 27 Vikings 18

Read more of this post

NFL Picks: Week 14


Last Week
Spread: 4-12
Straight up: 8-8

Season
Spread: 93-90-9
Straight up: 127-65

To the millions……thousands….hundreds…ok fine….12 people who read this site, I apologize. 4-12 isn’t a good week. If you bet my picks (which no one ever, ever should do) your probably continuing to realize I have no clue what I am doing. My bad. On the bright side, I’m pretty sure I can do better. Only 3-13, 2-14, 1-15, or the dreaded goose egg could be worse. I think I’ll do better this week. But then again I say that every week. Oh well.

Cleveland (+14) Pittsburgh

Who wouldn’t trust the Steelers. I mean honestly, who doesn’t trust a rapist quarterback???? If the Steelers still had this man kicking the ball then I’d be really confident in them. Steelers 34 Browns 11

Read more of this post

NFL Picks: Week 13


Last Week
Straight up: 13-3
Spread: 11-5

Season
Straight up: 119-57
Spread: 89-78-9

Solid week 12 for the kid. I’ll take 11-5 any week. Sadly, most of my money ONCE AGAIN was on the New York fucking Jets. Sure they won, but they didn’t cover the spread so who cares!!!!!! Well, I kinda do since I had them in survivor, but anyway, could the scene below be the Jets???? Nick Nolte as Sexy Rexy and Tony as Mark?????? With all of Marky Mark’s terrible passes and their tremendous ability to never cover the spread I’m getting realllll sketched out at the New York Jets.

Video link since I’m too dumb to embed a video

Read more of this post

Turkey Day Picks


All I care about on Thanksgiving……

Eating an insane amount of food.

Drinking a couple aka a lot of these puppies.

Obviously the best part of Thanksgiving is sleeping like a baby which usually happens about 40 minutes after finishing dinner. 10 Budweisers and 4 plates of stuffing/turkey make it physically impossible for me to stay awake. Okay I’m talking about my sleeping habits now so things are starting to go downhill, here’s the picks.

Last Week
Spread: 7-5-2
Straight up: 10-4

Season
Spread: 78-73-9
Straight up: 106-54

Green Bay (-6) Detroit

Last year the score of this game was 7-3. 10 points. Put your hands in front of your face, stretch out all your fingers and your two thumbs and that is the total amount of points they scored. If that happens again I’ll forever quit watching sports because that game just doesn’t make sense to me. My only explanation to the game last year is that Aaron Rodgers had a few too many Gin N Tonics and he was a touch hungover.  Packers 27 Lions 20

Miami (+7) Dallas

Heyyyyyyyy Dol-fans. So the Dolphins are all of a sudden a good team? I have a weird feeling the Dolphins are going to lose by 36 points this weekend since that’s what I’ve come to expect, but I also feel the Dolphins defense is finally back to where I thought it would be at the start of the season. They haven’t given up a touch down since October 30th. Granted, they played against Kansas City, Washington, and Buffalo, not exactly three power houses, but still, I’m intrigued by what’s going on. The Cowboys are horrific against the spread, but on Thanksgiving they are always good. The Cowboys always burn me and I’m sure they’ll manage to do so again. The bigger question is will Tim Parker make it to the end of the 3rd quarter? This game starts at 4:15 which is right around the time the Parker family sits down to dinner. If I don’t fall asleep somewhere around the 7 minute mark of the 3rd I’ll be amazed. Dolphins 21 Cowboys 13

San Francsico (+3) Baltimore

These teams are pretty much identical. They both are coached by guys named Harbaugh, they both rely on defense and being really careful on offense. The difference is that San Francisco always covers the spread. They are 9-0-1 ATS this season. That’s good. Real good. The only way they’ll lose this game is if Alex Smith blows up. So far he’s been great this season and hasn’t screwed up any games. Who knows when he will, but I think he’ll manage the game well against the Ray Lewis-less Ravens. If I were a betting man (which I am) this one has tight game written all over it. 49ers 20 Ravens 16

Happy Thanksgiving, bitches.

NFL Picks: Week 5


I’ll be honest with you, I have a few more important things on my mind today then my NFL picks. For one I may have a heart attack after the Phillies blow up and you’ll never hear from me again. But any who here’s my week 5 picks, let’s hope I make it long enough to see if I win or lose them. Since picture week was so exciting last week, I’m going to do one sentence for each game…..because I’m getting lazy. Putting together more than 15 words is quite the challenge.

Week 4
Straight Up: 10-6
Spread: 8-8

Season
Straight Up: 44-20
Spread:  32-28-4

Read more of this post

NFL Picks: Week 2


Tom Brady is a decent quarterback. 517 yards? Goddamn. I can barely do that in Madden. As I sat at the bar Monday night watching Tom filet the Dolphins horrific defense it dawned on me around my 15th beer that he’s the best quarterback I’ll ever see in my lifetime. He’s an 8th of the way to 4,000 yards already.  In one game. One fucking game. Three Super Bowl wins. Two Super Bowl MVPs. Six Pro Bowls. Oh, and he’s only 34 so he’ll be around a few more years. Anyway a lot of stuff happened in Week one, but that performance deserved it’s own little intro paragraph. At least we can still make fun of him for this:

However Tom also gets this each night. He wins.

Week Two Picks after the jump.

Read more of this post

%d bloggers like this: