90 on 95

Sports, rumors, and humor from the Ben Franklin to the George Washington

Tag Archives: NHL

Russia over USA………Really Ilya?


Wrong flag Kovy

Going into the 2011-12 NHL season things weren’t looking great for the New Jersey Devils. Like many people who follow the Devils I was concerned they’d do their standard solid regular season then duck out in the playoffs like they’d done for the past six seasons. There were many, many questions:

  • Is this Marty’s last ride?
  • Is Zach going to re-sign once the season ends or ditch the Devils for milllllllions of dollars?
  • Will Travis Zajac ever play?
  • Can I name a single defensemen they have?
  • Is this new coach Pete DeBoer an NHL head coach or is it just a front for him being a serial killer? (Still think he is a serial killer, guy is really creepy…and never blinks)
  • But the main question was always, Is this goddamn Russian guy the Devils are paying $101 million going to lead us to a Cup?

All those questions going into the year really made me think the Devils were going to sink really, really quickly.

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Thursday Power Rankings (3/8/2012)


Let’s ignore where I’ve been and let’s get to where I’m going!

1. Peyton Manning

While the big guy got royally screwed in my opinion by the Indianapolis Colts, he’s got to stay positive and remember that he’s the prettiest girl at the ball and every guy there wants to sleep with him. Especially Jake Roberts. Peyton hasn’t made a decision as to where he wants to play football next but the biggest attractions would be Miami, Arizona, Washington or Seattle.  I think it’ll be a go for Miami (that sound you just heard was TimmyP’s dick exploding) but with this guy you never know. I know money rules all but I think Peyton Manning wants to win, and Miami may not be the best place for that. I just can’t wait till next year when Andrew Luck is throwing passes out of bounds as the Colts stumble towards another lottery pick. Hope you guys enjoyed the top while you were up there.

2. Playoff Hockey

OOOOOHHHH BAAAAAABY. Things are really heating up in the Western Conference as 5 teams struggle for ultimately the last 2 spots (+ the Pacific Division winner). The Dallas Stars have become seemingly unbeatable, the San Jose Sharks are trolling everybody right now, Phoenix is still a hockey team and the LA Kings are doing there best to not make the playoffs. But the real story is the Colorado Avalanche. Arguably the winners of the trade deadline (Steve Downie and Jamie McGinn have instantly made impacts whereas TJ Galiardi is riding pine in San Jose, Winnick is basically invisible as well and Kyle Quincey plays hockey in Detroit) the Avs are clicking right now, winners of 5 of their past 7 and if it wasn’t for all those fucking teams winning ahead of them they’d be in the second season for sure. March is essentially a month of playoff hockey for all the teams I mentioned above. So if you’ve got the Center Ice Package or you stop by NBC Sports by accident and any of these teams are playing you may want to check it out.

3. Jeremy Lin

Just kidding. They really cooled off on that shit, huh?

The rest of the rankings, after the jump.  Read more of this post

Arron Asham is a Bad Bad MotherF***er


I don’t think Mike Vick could have executed a Beagle any better than Arron just did.  People may say the taunts afterwards were classless, but if you knock someone out with two punches, i think it gives you the right to do a little taunting.  Cue the “He learned all those scumbag fighting moves in Philly!”

Shake it off Tomas!


As promised, here are a lot of goals getting scored on Tomas Vokoun during Monday nights Washington Capitals and Tampa Bay Lightning game. My favorite is the one where he falls over.

Join me won’t you, after the jump?

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The Daily Drive – 6/23/2011


The Daily Drive is a daily ( for the most part) post of all the prominent things going on in the sports world we didn’t cover, and anything else we might want to share with you. Like that writing jokes can get hard. See?

-Phillies Manager Charlie Manuel wants more offense, and he wants it now. Meanwhile Jose Contreras has been placed on the DL and the Phillies take on the St Louis Cardinals tonight.

-The Philadelphia Flyers have traded Jeff Carter to the Columbus Blue Jackets, clearing up salary cap room so the team can overpay for a mediocre goaltender. Hey Flyers fans, remember when I said you’d be mortgaging the future? The Flyers did get the number 8 pick in the draft that’s being held on Friday. More of that in my Draft Preview tomorrow.

-Despite what you may have heard, Jose Reyes will not be a New York Yankee this season. Yankee fans breathe a sigh of relief. Derek Jeter blows his nose in Minka Kelly’s chest.

-NEWS FLASH! Derek Jeters impending 3,000th hit (one hit closer to retirement, and hopefully, obscurity folks) will be kind of a big deal.

A Perfect (video) game, Clooney’s trash, and NFL LOCKOUT COVERAGE, after the jump. Read more of this post

Return of the Mullet


It's like if an 80's haircut got raped, and decided to keep the kid.

At 39 years old, Jaromir Jagr is contemplating a comeback. The right winger out of Czechoslovakia hasn’t played in the NHL since his New York Rangers bowed out to the Pittsburgh Penguins in the second round of the 2008 Stanley Cup playoffs. Dude’s been killing it over in the KHL (Russian super-league) and got a big head about himself after the most recent World Championships tournament in May. Trim my mullet, Pittsburgh Tribune-Review:

Jaromir Jagr has approached the Penguins about resuming his hockey career with his original NHL franchise, multiple sources confirmed to the Tribune-Review on Monday.

Jagr’s new agent, former player Petr Svoboda, contacted Penguins general manager Ray Shero over the weekend to express his client’s intent to play again in the NHL after a three-year stint in the Kontinental Hockey League.

(via Pittsburgh Tribune-Review)

At a year shy of 40, Jagr certainly won’t be the oldest player in the league. Nicklas Lidstrom will return for his 20th season next year, when he will turn 42 during the season. Mark Recchi was absolutely a factor for the Boston Bruins Stanley Cup run at the ripe age of 43. Why Pittsburgh would be interested in him (or any team that doesn’t need to sell tickets) is beyond me. I mean, I know we’ve been saying Crosby needs a winger, but maybe not the same one who played with Mario Lemieux two decades ago. Luckily, for Pittsburgh, Jaromir has made himself a list.

Potential teams, after the jump.

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B is for Bandwagon


The Fair-Weather Fans of Foul-Weathered Boston

The only Bruins jersey I'd ever seen before last week. Let em' have it Bob.

First off: I’d like to state for the record that both the NHL and NBA play-offs are entirely too long, rendering the regular season into a preposterously bloated waste of time. That said, I’d also like to get this off my chest: Fuck the Bruins.

For some ungodly reason—and to the dismay of all well-intentioned sports fans elsewhere—Boston sports have had an unprecedented string of good luck in the sporting domain over the past decade. While this recent success has served to inflate the average New Englander’s perverted sense of self-worth far beyond levels traditionally accepted by the decent, God-fearing majority, to the well-trained eye it fails to cover up the grimy truth:  Boston fans are about as loyal as a crack-whore at a roller derby.

Trust me.

Since when did the Bruins have an established fan base? Other than a few errant and poorly timed text messages last spring (before the Flyers proceeded to pull out one of the greatest comebacks in NHL play-off history), this spring season was the first I’ve really ever heard of the strange group of hockey playing ruffians known as the B’s.  Nobody so much as breathed their name during my four years of college.  Sure you got your standard alcoholics and unemployed street mongrels that constitute the majority of the NHL target demographic, but outside of that strange and sordid inner circle the Bruins were a non-entity. They were like a poor bastard wounded in battle and left to behind to die at the hands of a savage enemy. Unspoken of. But now that they’ve got the cup there are vendors on the streets selling puke colored jerseys so that woodworked multitudes can look good and stylish for Saturday’s victory parade. Suddenly it seems that everyone’s a fan.

And this should come as no surprise really, though it still justifies a generous degree of bitter derision. It must be pointed out that despite the delusional grandeur attribute to their beloved Celtics, the first Celtics jersey I ever saw during my time in Boston said ‘Garnett’ on the back. This is a city that either rooted tepidly for the Giants or didn’t much care about football until about a decade ago when that expansion team of theirs started winning games. And don’t let them fool you about the Red Sox either.  Though they may bemoan the hard-luck times of their junior league joke-squad, the fans are a bunch of day-gamers who usually bounce by the seventh inning.  Fenway’s more of a business-meeting destination than a ballpark—a boardroom for geriatrics and Jesus freaks. There’s no tailgating, no nitrous, and no Cadillac time.

So if the Boston beat’s got you down this week and you’re thinking about mindless destruction—I’m talking to you Vancouver—just remember sporting success is cyclical. As soon as their teams trend south those Boston fans will drift off once again into obscure oblivion. Until then we can only hope it rains on the gay parade tomorrow just like it did on the gay parade last Saturday.

Oh yeah, and that was a clean hit on Horton…he’s just a bitch.

Ain’t No Place I’d Rather Be


If I were to have told you last fall that there would be two teams from Tennessee playing past the first round of the playoffs, you would have said, “Well sure the Titans are good, but when did the Yankees move to Nashville?” Yet here we are, with the Nashville Predators and the Memphis Grizzlies both performing well above expectations. Both teams are beginning to supplant themselves as the top draw in the whiskey state. It’s these kind of playoff runs that build a special kind of relationship between the fan and the team. With cities on their backs, the Griz and the Predators (my new indie band) are doing what their owners and pundits have been anticipating: earn their stay.

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USA! USA! USA!


God Bless America

Well last night was a memorable one for every single American.  We finally found and killed that rat fuck Osama Bin Laden.  Like anyone, I can remember exactly where I was when I found out about the planes hitting the World Trade Center.  I walked into 2nd period art class in high school only to see my teachers hysterically crying, something that I will never forget.  The sense of togetherness and pride that followed in those next few weeks and months is something that cannot be re-created.  I still get chills thinking about George W. Bush throwing out that first pitch in the World Series.  Now almost a full decade later we have closure thanks to the brave and honorable soldiers that hunted this despicable excuse for a human being down and ended him.  I cannot explain how happy it makes me feel that not only did we catch him, but the US military shot him in his fucking eye.  If it was me, I would have pumped a couple more rounds in him just to make sure.  According to Muslim beliefs, a body must be buried within 24 hours of its death, and since no country wanted to poison its soil we had to dump him in the sea.  I hope they were chumming the waters before they dumped his corpse into the ocean.  I personally did not know anyone that was directly affected by the events on September 11th but I do know people that were.  I once played golf with a guy who was stuck on the subway beneath the building in the dark for 20 hours.  Unbelievable stuff.  Especially given the context of this website, you do not have to look far to find someone that was affected.  Now we have come full circle thanks to the bravery of an elite commando unit that has probably been looking for this walking turd for the better part of their military career.  Even though im not his biggest supporter, I have to give credit to Barack for finishing the job and eliminating this piece of scum.  I was half expecting him to walk out to DMX’s “Up In Here” before the speech.  Dude was strutting like a BOSS.  So everyone do your self a favor, go out tonight and drink a few to many beers, cheer a little too loud, high five some strangers, and celebrate the elimination of evil.  Hug your friends, kiss your loved ones and be thankful that we live in a country that finishes the job.  God Bless America.

Briere, Flyers Arrested for Publicly Sodomizing Sabres in Game 7


From start to finish, last night’s Game 7 between the Flyers and Sabres was arguably the Flyers’ most complete game they have played all season. Down the stretch run of the regular season, the Flyers built leads only to let up on the gas, allowing inferior opponents that should be put away to crawl back games. Not last night. The Flyers rode the energy of a rowdy Philadelphia crowd and came out forechecking and hitting like a pack of ravenous wolves. They wanted that game so badly, and showed it by winning every one-on-one battle and smothering whatever little offensive attempt the Sabres had. Last night was the Flyers most dominating playoff performance since they shat on the Maple Leafs 6-1 in Game 7 of the 2003 Eastern Conference Quartefinals.

Good night Buffalo

Series MVP: C, Danny Briere

This one’s a no brainer. Briere had 7 points (6G, 1A) in the series and 4 points (3G, 1A) when the Flyers faced elimination in Games 6 and 7. In my Game 7 Notes, I talked about Danny Briere and how he elevates his game when the pressure is on. He loves the big stage and once again proved why he has earned the nickname Mr. Playoffs. Just as impressive, Briere was able to achieve success in this series while overcoming the emotions of playing against good friends (Ryan Miller, Jason Pomminville) and being booed in his former hometown. 

Said Briere following Game 7: “Honestly, it was one of the toughest series I’ve had to go through. When you’re facing a lot of friends — it’s no secret that in the playoffs there are no friends. You’re out there, it doesn’t matter who has the puck, you’re going through them.”

Briere now has 94 points in 93 career playoff games. Among active players, only Sidney Crosby is operating at a point-per-game clip in the playoffs for their career (minimum 15 games).

Briere: “I’m way better than you.” Miller: “Go fuck yourself.” Briere: “Love you, bro.”

 Some quick numbers:

 – The Flyers powerplay began the series 2 for 26 (7.7%) in the first 5 games. With Chris Pronger’s return, it finished 4 for 9 (44.4%) in Games 6 and 7. 

– With the Flyers victory last night, the home team has only won 3 of the past 11 playoff Game 7’s since 2009 in the NHL.

 – The Flyers have won their last three Game 7’s, two of which were on the road (2008 Conference Semifinals @ Washington, 2010 Conference Semifinals @ Boston, 2011 Conference Quarterfinals vs. Buffalo)

The next opponent:

The Flyers second round opponent won’t be determined until the end of tonight, as both remaining matchups are headed to Game 7. If Boston wins their deciding game tonight at home against the Canadiens (Versus, 7pm), they will face the Flyers in a rematch of the epic 3-0 comeback from last year’s Conference Semis. If Montreal takes that series, the Flyers will face the winner of the Lighning @ Pens Game 7 (8pm).  I look forward to sitting back stress-free tonight and enjoying a couple of great hockey games knowing that my boys are moving on.

Predictions: Bruins 2 Canadiens 1 (OT), Lightning 5 Penguins 3

Oh and by the way, suck it Rangers you pack of losers!

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