90 on 95

Sports, rumors, and humor from the Ben Franklin to the George Washington

Tag Archives: Philadelphia

Thursday Power Rankings


Jerry Sandusky just missed the cut!

1. The New Penn State Coach

While the news of Joe Paterno’s immediate firing may have been a shock to some of you, especially some of you older folks, it looks like the Nittany Lions vacant coaching position just became the most coveted seat in sports. If your idea of a coveted seat is the pilot’s in a crashing jet plane. Let’s fire off a quick round of potential applicants:

  • Roman Polanski – He is an Oscar winning director so he can handle the leadership the head coaching job demands. Also he’s been accused of raping 12 year old girls, which should hopefully knock that “homo” tag Penn State has hanging over their heads.
  • Graham James – He was the former Junior Coach (think Canada’s college hockey, with less books and more pussy. Considerably less books. Like, none.) of Theo Fleury who taught Theo how to score at a young age. Hockey ain’t football, but most 10 year old’s assholes are in the same place.
  • Pete Carroll – Fuck you, Pete.

2. The Philadelphia Flyers

Not necessarily because of the results they’ve been getting, but the way they handled Tampa Bay’s trap defense was pure comedy. Rather than attack the 1-3-1 Devil’s-esque neutral zone trap, the Flyers were content at staying back behind their blue line, goading the Bolts and showing the Tampa crowd just how boring hockey can be!

God dammit guys, this is why were aren’t on ESPN!

3. Jorge Posada

Posada has finally seen the light, and will no longer be a member of the New York Yankees. That probably also means he won’t be a member of Major League Baseball. No one is going to pay for garbage player like that, are they? ::debates between throwing up picture of NY Mets logo or Chicago Cubs, remembers favorite team will soon be called Miami Marlins and is interviewing Jose Reyes, weeps::

music, Alison Brie, and (attempted) humor, after the jump. Read more of this post

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Tending the Rabbits


East Bound and Down with Lenny Dykstra

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 

Lenny, just tending the rabbits.

Chaw. Chewed up and spat out. Despite the psychopathic tenacity that characterized his days on the diamond, good old Nails has got to be feeling a lot like the tobacco juice that he used to drool about the dugout. Currently penned up in San Fernando, California after being picked up for leasing cars with phony business and credit card info and possession of a solid stash of cocaine, ecstasy, and HGH—the necessary ingredients for any good-timing shenanigans—this is Dykstra’s second run in with the law in as many months. In addition to the 25 state counts of fraud, identity theft, possession, and GTA, the former Philly star also faces federal charges relating to his 2009 bankruptcy (bankruptcy fraud, obstruction of justice, etc.) which depicts the Dude in over his head for about $31 mil.  Fuck.

With the extravagant sums of money he made playing baseball and as the seemingly successful car-wash magnate, all Lenny really had to do was tend the rabbits. But a dude that wound up just can’t get comfortable sitting still. Instead he ventured to test his luck as an entrepreneur, an investment analyst (even appearing on Mad Money, illustrating the extent to which Jim Kramer’s got his head shoved up his own ass), a publisher, and a real estate mogul. The disaster that ensued should have come as little surprise to any that followed his career on the field, and though tragic to a fan that idolized the manic slugger and drug-fueled all-star, it seems to be a simple case of destiny unbound—the ultimate culmination of baseball’s most colossal train-wreck.

The blind leading the blind.

(For a very prescient piece written about one of Dykstra’s crazed exploits at an Atlantic City Baccarat table before the ’93 season, please follow the link: “We’re On a Fucking Role, Dude”.)

Let me be clear. Lenny Dykstra, the man, the myth, the soon-to-be-convicted felon, was and will always be unequivocally my favorite baseball player on my favorite baseball team—the 1993 Philadelphia Phillies (Kruk, Philly H.O.F. interview on the ’93 Phillies)—of all time. I wore number 4 all throughout little league in the hope that I’d emulate his impassioned play, and would stuff entire packages of Big League Chew into my right cheek and spit shredded gum to emulate his reckless abandon—and because it looked Bad Ass. I was emotionally shattered over the baseball strike of ’94 and now, despite the large repository of evidence suggesting that Nails was always little more than a cheating, fraudulent bastard with unused and abused latent talent, I find myself seriously distressed over Dykstra’s demise.

However, I do find the whole situation laughably entertaining. It’s absolutely hilarious that anyone would take financial advice from, let alone enter into any sort of business arrangement with, a known lunatic with a propensity for hard drugs and burning through large stacks of cash with minimal regard for the consequential damage. I mean, he was the guy sitting next to Darryl Strawberry when he was on the Mets blowing lines on the back of bus (Yes, a bus. While all other teams surely had planes at this point, fuck the Mets. They get a bus.)Shit, he’d do key-bumps between innings just to keep limber—fired up and ready to ignite at any moment.

Dynamite on the field and hazardously explosive off of it, Dykstra’s antics (like smashing his Benz all loaded up on booze and benzos with Darren Daulton in the passenger seat following a John Kruk Bachelor Party) led many to gawk in awe, wondering how long the freak-show could possibly sustain itself. But as it turned out, Nails sort of spontaneously combusted and will now almost certainly be left to fizzle out in a jail cell.

Well, cocaine’s a hell of a drug and Lenny…he was a hell of a ball player.

USA! USA! USA!


God Bless America

Well last night was a memorable one for every single American.  We finally found and killed that rat fuck Osama Bin Laden.  Like anyone, I can remember exactly where I was when I found out about the planes hitting the World Trade Center.  I walked into 2nd period art class in high school only to see my teachers hysterically crying, something that I will never forget.  The sense of togetherness and pride that followed in those next few weeks and months is something that cannot be re-created.  I still get chills thinking about George W. Bush throwing out that first pitch in the World Series.  Now almost a full decade later we have closure thanks to the brave and honorable soldiers that hunted this despicable excuse for a human being down and ended him.  I cannot explain how happy it makes me feel that not only did we catch him, but the US military shot him in his fucking eye.  If it was me, I would have pumped a couple more rounds in him just to make sure.  According to Muslim beliefs, a body must be buried within 24 hours of its death, and since no country wanted to poison its soil we had to dump him in the sea.  I hope they were chumming the waters before they dumped his corpse into the ocean.  I personally did not know anyone that was directly affected by the events on September 11th but I do know people that were.  I once played golf with a guy who was stuck on the subway beneath the building in the dark for 20 hours.  Unbelievable stuff.  Especially given the context of this website, you do not have to look far to find someone that was affected.  Now we have come full circle thanks to the bravery of an elite commando unit that has probably been looking for this walking turd for the better part of their military career.  Even though im not his biggest supporter, I have to give credit to Barack for finishing the job and eliminating this piece of scum.  I was half expecting him to walk out to DMX’s “Up In Here” before the speech.  Dude was strutting like a BOSS.  So everyone do your self a favor, go out tonight and drink a few to many beers, cheer a little too loud, high five some strangers, and celebrate the elimination of evil.  Hug your friends, kiss your loved ones and be thankful that we live in a country that finishes the job.  God Bless America.

Not Such a Good Friday


I don’t know why Bob didn’t come in either buddy

All day long I was waiting for this game. Daft Puck and I were talking about it all morning over a couple games of NHL 11. He was convinced the Fly Guys were going to pull up lame facing Ryan Miller. I of course offered the opposing opinion in that we were going to put up a touchdown on Miller. So after a very uneventful round of Disc Golf, me and a few buddies decided to head to Triumph Brewery and Pub in New Hope PA to watch the game. No seats at the Bar so we took a table away from the TV’s. While we ate our food, I was thoroughly distracted by the conversation between friends on how we are going to get to Phish’s 4th of July Festival in Watkins Glen and had admittedly forgot that the game was on (poor fandom in every sense). After realizing my mistake I went to the Bar to check the score. 3-0! What the hell happened?!?! Then after watching the low lights in the intermission report it was made clear to me. God was clearly mad at Brian Boucher for eating that cheeseburger at lunch (Its Good Friday Brian! JESUS DIED FOR YOU!) And thus punished him by allowing two of the weakest goals I have ever seen. A third goal in the first and that was the end of Bouche. Well at least we have Bobrovsky coming in to clean up this mess right? Oh shit that’s right we have Michael “sloth man” Leighton as the backup (“bartender I’ll take 4 beers please”). To make matters worse I was sitting next to the only two Sabres fans outside of Buffalo’s city limits. While I wouldn’t exactly say they were running their mouths, they were making it known about how excited they were. After self medicating with a few delicious brews at intermission, I made the decision that since a badass funk band was playing, I would stay and finish watching the game. This was the playoffs so nothing is impossible (or is it “anything is possible!”…….ill have to ask KG). Then it started to happen. Comeback.

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Playoff Ruminations


Just some playoff thoughts I’ve been having…

New York Rangers = New York Knicks

Just like their hardwood counterparts, the New York Rangers are showing their true colors. While the New York Knicks problems seem to be stemming from one source (Re: Anthony, Carmelo.), the Rags are choking as a team. When you really think about it, there is no reason the Rangers shouldn’t be up 3-1 in this series. The Game 1 OT loss was the result of a poor  defensive breakdown. The result of Game 4 was just downright ugly. Forget how super star Marian Gaborik and super star Henrik Lundqvist managed to pull a move out of a “Three Stooges” episode (my vote for Larry is of course, Sean Avery) on the game winning goal. The fact that the Capitals were allowed back into a game, a game where they saw a one-goal deficit turn into three in 7 seconds.  A game where the crowd was absolutely electric. Instead of turtling and taking it on the chin, returning home to a best of 3 series with the advantage, the Capitals showed something about themselves we had been waiting for years for them to reveal. With that fire, they made it clear they weren’t going to falter again in the first round. I don’t see the Rags having a chance in Game 5.

The Big Red Machine rolls on

Just another first-round win for the most consistent team in hockey. Just like the Atlanta Braves of the last two decades, it seems like every year I think this team is going to have a bad season, that their age and unwillingness to overhaul a roster would bite them in the ass. And every year I’m wrong. Sure, they didn’t have much of an opponent in Phoenix, but it’s just in typical Detroit fashion to have an easy round. The Red Wings next opponent will be either the Ducks, the Preds, or the Sharks. The only team that scares me there is the Sharks, and even then I think this Detroit team is Western Finals bound. If any team is going to upset Vancouver, it’s this team.

Ryan Miller, TV contract, and the Fish after the jump. Read more of this post

Phillies Preview – April 19th 2011


vs.

April 19th 2011 – 7:05pm
Milwaukee Brewers (8-8) Randy Wolf (1-2, 4.32 ERA)
vs.
Philadelphia Phillies (10-5) Roy Halladay (2-0, 1.23 ERA)
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LETS PLAY THE FEUD!


First read this which was put together beautifully by Kyle Scott over at CrossingBroad.

 

You gotta love the classic case of colleague’s attacking each other through social media.  It just inspires me.  Phillies beat writer David Murphy and Philadelphia Inquirer columnist John Gonzalez obviously have some sort of beef with each other.  Anytime the term “Shriveled Dick” gets tossed around you know someone means business.  Now obviously it wasn’t very professional how Gonzo called out Murph in his column.  That apparently got Dave’s Irish up to astronomical levels, thus starting a twitter battle for the ages.  Not Since Buzz Bissinger and Mark Cuban have we had a legitimate fight like this on twitter.  Now the rumor is that Murph may have wanted a piece of  a former CSN employee (Not the beautiful and talented Amy Fadool), whom has been linked to Gonzo (yes I feel dirty for typing this bullshit btw).  I have a solution to this problem though.  I have spent the past few hours coming up with a plan on how these two scorned lovers could once and for all find out who knows more words then the other.

The Name Game.

I suggest we rent out McFadden’s set up two podiums and GET IT ON.  Of course we would need a fully wasted lubricated Michael Barkann to mediate and announce.  We would have a best of seven series with different categories for each.  Now since this is a battle of manhood, drinking will most certainly be an essential part of the equation.  The loser of each round must drink two shots of alcohol which is chosen by the winner of each round.  Strategy will play a major part in this part of the competition.  I don’t know anyone that could drink a shot of Jameson followed by a shot of Jose Cuervo and not want to kill themselves.  Of course in between each round we would have the beautiful McFadden’s girls serve as corner women for each of our contestants.  The winner would be awarded a spot on this website (a guy can dream right?) to write full time (lets face it we could use the page views).  The loser would have to get down on their knees and kiss Matt Gelb’s bare ass.  Why Matt Gelb? IM MAKING THE RULES HERE!  I am fully prepared to present my idea to both of the parties of interest if they would be acceptable of my terms.  They know where to find me.  Oh they don’t know where to find me? Damn, well my twitter handle is @Captain_Dan95 (Follow me!).

Phillies Preview – April 17th 2011


vs.

April 17th 2011 – 1:35 pm
Florida Marlins (8-5) Anibal Sanchez (0-1, 6.97 ERA)
vs.
Philadelphia Phillies (9-4) Cole Hamels (1-1, 5.59 ERA)
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The Daily Drive – April 13th, 2011


The Daily Drive is a daily (duh) post of all the prominent things going on in the sports world we didn’t cover, and anything else we might want to share with you.  Except when it comes to giving directions to someone.  If you can’t use a map or the internet to find where your going….grow up.

– First off a couple of 90on95.com writers went to trivia last night and well our team name we always use is pretty cool : My couch pulls out, but I don’t.  However we were trumped by…Mr. Miyagi Wax Off.  Say it out loud.  Think inappropriately about it. Possibly best trivia team name ever. 

– One of our dedicated readers told me last night he doesn’t like that we are putting up pictures of girls wearing nearly nothing because he can’t look at our site while he’s at work.  My response to that?  Another sexy girl wearing almost nothing.

Her name is Eva Amurri. That's Nice.

– Kobe Bryant caused a stir last night as he yelled “Fucking Faggot” in the direction of an official.  Take a look.  Apparently some gay group of people don’t like when Kobe talks dirty.

– Mick Foley is newest board member of RAINN which is some group that is against rape, abuse and incest.  He’ll mow your lawn if you donate $5,000.  That’s a lot of money to pay for a non-Mexican grass cutting job.  But anyway no one likes to get raped so I guess it’s worth it.  However, I’d only do it if he showed up at my house like this.

I have more treats after the jump.
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Phillies Preview – April 10th 2011


Vs.
April 10th 2011 – 1:35pm
Philadelphia Phillies (6-2) Cole Hamels (0-1, 20.25 ERA)
vs.
Atlanta Braves (4-5) Derek Lowe (1-1, 0.77 ERA)
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