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Tag Archives: spreads

NFL Picks: Week 16


Who the fuck plays football on Christmas Eve. I forgot that all the games were on Saturday so these are super quickies.

Last Week
Spread: 9-6-1
Straight up: 11-5

Season
Spread: 111-103-10
Straight up: 150-74

Houston (-5.5) Indianapolis

Texans 21 Colts 18

Miami (+9) New England

They fucked up the #suckforluck. The #suckforBarkley doesn’t exist until next year….Guess we are on to #suckforanaveragelinemen/saftey. Oh well. Pats 35 Dolphins 24

Cleveland (+12) Baltimore

Hi Ray Rice. Ravens 24 Browns 10

Arizona (+4.5) Cincinnati

Bengals 17 Cardinals 14

Minnesota (+7) Washington

I want to take Minnesota just so I can tell Matt Lanouette fuck you, but he’ll advance in survivor. Redskins 23 Vikings 13

Denver (-3) Buffalo

Jesus gets born tomorrow. Is there any doubt what happens in this game?????? Broncos 23 Bills 14

St. Louis (+12.5) Pittsburgh

Who doesn’t lay points with Charlie Batch at the helm??????? Steelers 17 Rams 3

NY Giants (+3) NY Jets

Suck it New York your guaranteed a loss today, unless they tie which would be the gayest thing ever. Giants 23 Jets 17

Tampa Bay (+7.5) Carolina

If the Panthers lose I’ll murder myself #survivorpickissues. Panthers 31 Bucs 20

Jacksonville (+7) Tennessee

Titans 17 Jaguars 13

Oakland (+2.5) Kansas City

Classic letdown. Raiders 28 Chiefs 24

San Diego (+2) Detroit

They don’t lose in December!!!!! Chargers 31 Lions 26

Philadelphia (+1) Dallas

It continues. Eagles 28 Cowboys 27

San Francisco (-1) Seattle

49ers 23 Seahawks 14

Chicago (+11) Green Bay

Jesus day game! Packers 37 Bears 9

Altanta (+7) New Orleans

Day after Jesus day game! Saints 29 Falcons 20

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Turkey Day Picks


All I care about on Thanksgiving……

Eating an insane amount of food.

Drinking a couple aka a lot of these puppies.

Obviously the best part of Thanksgiving is sleeping like a baby which usually happens about 40 minutes after finishing dinner. 10 Budweisers and 4 plates of stuffing/turkey make it physically impossible for me to stay awake. Okay I’m talking about my sleeping habits now so things are starting to go downhill, here’s the picks.

Last Week
Spread: 7-5-2
Straight up: 10-4

Season
Spread: 78-73-9
Straight up: 106-54

Green Bay (-6) Detroit

Last year the score of this game was 7-3. 10 points. Put your hands in front of your face, stretch out all your fingers and your two thumbs and that is the total amount of points they scored. If that happens again I’ll forever quit watching sports because that game just doesn’t make sense to me. My only explanation to the game last year is that Aaron Rodgers had a few too many Gin N Tonics and he was a touch hungover.  Packers 27 Lions 20

Miami (+7) Dallas

Heyyyyyyyy Dol-fans. So the Dolphins are all of a sudden a good team? I have a weird feeling the Dolphins are going to lose by 36 points this weekend since that’s what I’ve come to expect, but I also feel the Dolphins defense is finally back to where I thought it would be at the start of the season. They haven’t given up a touch down since October 30th. Granted, they played against Kansas City, Washington, and Buffalo, not exactly three power houses, but still, I’m intrigued by what’s going on. The Cowboys are horrific against the spread, but on Thanksgiving they are always good. The Cowboys always burn me and I’m sure they’ll manage to do so again. The bigger question is will Tim Parker make it to the end of the 3rd quarter? This game starts at 4:15 which is right around the time the Parker family sits down to dinner. If I don’t fall asleep somewhere around the 7 minute mark of the 3rd I’ll be amazed. Dolphins 21 Cowboys 13

San Francsico (+3) Baltimore

These teams are pretty much identical. They both are coached by guys named Harbaugh, they both rely on defense and being really careful on offense. The difference is that San Francisco always covers the spread. They are 9-0-1 ATS this season. That’s good. Real good. The only way they’ll lose this game is if Alex Smith blows up. So far he’s been great this season and hasn’t screwed up any games. Who knows when he will, but I think he’ll manage the game well against the Ray Lewis-less Ravens. If I were a betting man (which I am) this one has tight game written all over it. 49ers 20 Ravens 16

Happy Thanksgiving, bitches.

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